Just Go With It Page #5

Well, I wouldn't say friend. I'd say more my nemesis.

Oh, so she was a frenemy? Yes.

You'd probably like her. She's really, really fake.

Ah.

Always had to have the coolest clothes

and the hottest boys and, you know...

She bothers you. A lot.

So, one night, I was just having a glass of wine.

A bottle. A bottle.

And, uh...

And I just got so tired of the kids saying things like,

"I gotta take a crap.

"I gotta take a dump."

So, I told them that it was called "making a Devlin,"

and they liked it.

And it stuck.

I always call it making a black pickle.

Making a what? I don't say that.

Out loud? Good. To others. No.

What are we gonna do about my love life, though?

Oh, Danny, I would feel terrible for you if I had any,

even the slightest, investment in you

successfully banging 23-year-olds.

Holy Devlin, you're not listening to me.

This is like not some bull-Devlin fling.

I mean, I'm serious.

This is the real Devlin. I could...

I swear to God, I could see myself

ending up with this girl.

Oh.

You're right. You can't tell her the truth.

High score!

Oh, God. Sorry.

I'm glad someone's doing good.

You know what? You don't wanna get serious,

'cause when you get serious, that leads to marriage,

and then marriage leads to divorce,

and divorce is just...

I mean, look at these poor kids.

You know, their dad was supposed

to pick them up today.

He was a no-show? Again.

But you know what?

At least I got my head together and I divorced him.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait a minute.

You go ahead without me.

Oh, no, no, no.

Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer.

I told you I didn't want to see you.

I just want to explain something to you.

Let me explain something to you.

I do not date married men.

My father cheated on my mom when I was young.

I am not going to be the other woman!

Adulterer! Fornicator!

All right, take it easy, Damien, all right?

Okay, his name is Silas, leave him out of this.

I'll kill you.

What? Anytime!

Listen! I am married.

But it is a horrible marriage.

She doesn't even talk to me anymore.

Danny, that's what all married men say.

If it's so bad, why don't you get divorced?

I am.

You are? Yes! It's over.

Oh, my God, I can't believe this.

I destroyed a marriage!

I really feel like I'm gonna be sick. I can't...

No, no, it wasn't 'cause of you!

I filed a long, long time ago.

We're gonna sign the papers in a couple of days

and it's like, she's dead to me.

What's her name?

Mrs. Maccabee.

You mean her first name? Her first name is Devlin.

Her name's Devlin?

Isn't that a shitty name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But Devlin and I are splitting up, fortunately,

'cause I caught her cheating on me with another guy.

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