Just Before I Go Page #4

A case of marshmallows?

That is good.

You put your secret ingredient in there.

Tell him what your secret ingredient is.

Love.

Love.

You're so beautiful.

Teddy, I'm trying to take a nap.

Get out of here.

Ted, I'm trying to sleep.

Get over here.

What are you doing here?

I've decided that I'm gonna document

this suicide thing of yours.

Jesus, would you keep it down?

And, no, absolutely not.

Why?

Look, I'm sorry

about your grandmother, okay?

I'm sorry I told you

what I told you, but no way.

Ted, think about it. When the end comes

and you have to write that note,

I mean, the note, explaining all this,

you won't have to

because I will have edited together

a snappy little 30-minute presentation

that will explain it all.

- Why are you doing this?

- To help. Also, this is kind of my field.

- You do documentaries?

- No, I work at Town Hall

and I record all of the town meetings,

so, yeah, kind of a documentarian,

record keeper.

- Greta, right?

- Yeah.

It was nice meeting you. Goodbye.

I'll tell.

I'll tell your brother

what you're gonna do.

I don't want to. I would much rather

document your impending death, but...

it's your call.

Yes!

So let's rehash.

So far you've screamed

at a 90-year-old lady

and called her a "cocksucking b*tch,"

and now you're going to fist-fight

someone you haven't seen in 22 years?

You've got to admit that's a pretty

f***ed-up bucket list.

You ever heard of

"getting your house in order"?

That's what I'm gonna do.

I'm getting my house in order.

Yeah, but why do

you have to kill yourself?

Why not just right your wrongs

and then keep on going?

Because...

it's what we cowards do.

So you're just gonna walk up to this guy

and say, "Hey, remember me?

You used to pick me up by the nipples

during gym class 20 years ago."

- And then, wham?

- Pretty much.

Hey, Ted, get up.

I'm hungry. Let's go, get out of here.

Excuse me.

You wouldn't happen to have

any spare change, would you?

Buzz off, loser.

I have some change, Ted.

Don't give him any money, Vickie.

He's just gonna give it to Rawly Stansfield

'cause he's too big a p*ssy

to stand up to him.

Thanks. Thank you.

Sorry about that. Come on.

Gross, dude, it's f***ing wet.

Tomorrow I want dry money. All right?

Yeah.

- Hi, is Rawly Stansfield here?

- Yeah, he's right there.

Please don't be Rawly.

Please don't be Rawly.

- Please don't be Rawly.

- I'm Rawly.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Be with you in a second.

Okay, let's go.

No.

Ted, I know that your list is very important

to you, but unless you've decided

to add having someone feed you

your own legs, I suggest we go.

It's not a list. It's just a few things.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes