Just Before I Go Page #3

Jesus! What are you doing?

What am I doing? What are you doing

calling my grandmother a withered old clam?

- Help!

- Wait, wait, I can explain.

- Rape!

- Rape? Seriously?

This is Massachusetts,

people still come running for rape.

Don't move.

- What, the cat?

- It's not any cat.

No, no, no, no, Grandma, no.

Is she allergic?

You want me to get rid of it?

No, you can't get rid of Death Kitty.

If he comes into your room

and sleeps on your bed, you die.

Oh, thank God.

Thank God.

Who are you?

You're serious? You came back here

to yell at my grandma, fight a bully,

and then kill yourself?

Isn't that a little f***ed up?

I think that any plan that ends with suicide

is probably a little f***ed up, yeah.

- No kids?

- Nope.

Is this like a cry for help?

Am I supposed to tell someone?

No, please don't.

So I'm just supposed to walk away

and let you... kill yourself?

I'm sorry. I'm an idiot,

but, yes, I was hoping so.

Hey.

I know you don't think so,

but someone is gonna care

and they're gonna be really pissed off

and they most likely won't ever forgive you.

- Teddy! Oh, my God!

- Hey, Mom.

- Oh...

- Good to see you.

Oh, honey. What a surprise.

Oh, I'm so happy to see you!

Oh, Margaret Margolis.

10% kidney function.

No feet.

Hi, baby! Let me look at you.

God. That's a sandwich.

I can't tell you how good it is

to see my baby boy again.

Thanks, Mom.

Let the boy breathe, Nance.

You're practically motorboatin' him.

- It's good to see you, too, Mom.

- How are things?

Shirley, do you have

to do that in the kitchen?

Sorry, baby. Sorry.

- So, Shirley, how are you feeling?

- Good, Ted. Can't complain.

Thank you very much, baby.

Shirley's making a comeback.

- Really?

- Yeah, look at this.

The Marshfield chili cook-off.

- Opening for Sha Na Na.

- You're gonna come, right?

- Yeah.

- Oh, good.

- Mom, do you remember Vickie Serrone?

- Oh, yeah, very nice girl.

She works checkout

at Shaw's Supermarket.

- She's worked there since high school.

- Shelves, too.

This girl knows where everything is.

Every aisle, every item.

You just try to stump her.

Two weeks ago I went in there and I said,

"I'd like some capers."

You know what she did?

She said, "Aisle seven, bottom shelf."

- Amazing.

- I don't even know what a caper is.

Shirley!

Hey, big mama.

- Where's my coffee?

- Almost ready, puddin'.

You could've given me

a little heads up on Elvis' comeback.

More like "Love Me Tenderloin."

Woman is packing on the poundage.

Went to a pancake breakfast

with her last month...

there was more batter spread that day

than on the inside

of a Boy Scout's sleeping bag.

What do you got back there?

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