Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser Page #4

But it's a catch-22.

Because a woman like that

puts the poetry in you.

Damn it to 'Frisco. I hate poetry.

I can't stand poetry.

Damn Joe Dirt. It ain't right!

It ain't right. It should be me, man.

It should be me and not Joe Dirt.

Sorry about that guitar thing, man.

It got out of hand.

It is what it is.

We all have our cross to bear.

Mine is Joe piece of Dirt.

Yeah, Jimmy, that dude was trouble

waiting to happen.

But my girls, man, look at them.

They was growing like weeds.

Three beautiful flowers.

Yeah, more flowers than weeds. Forget

weeds. They was growin' like flowers.

But deep down inside, I was feeling like,

who was I to be happy, you know?

'Cause I was always nervous, feeling like

it could all go away.

Turns out I was right to be worried, because

soon it all started unraveling on me.

I got this job as a logger, and one day,

it all started coming crashing down on me.

It came down real bad.

Eleven-footer.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Whoa!

Luke, I am your logger.

You can't hear it, but it was funny.

All right, here we go.

It's sticking.

Uh, that's lunch.

I think I cut 66 logs so far, man.

Probably get a good price down at the mill.

- Hey, Dirt?

- Yep.

- You strong?

- You know it.

Pick that up.

Kinda walked into that one, didn't I? Yeah.

Hey, Dirt. You look like Elmer Fudd

in that hat.

Sh*t, more like Elmer Fudgepacker.

Oh, yeah, that guy in the cartoons.

Yeah, I guess. Looking stupid, yeah.

I seem to have forgotten my lunch,

maybe, uh, you could give me the apple core

when you're done with it?

Nah, you can't have that, boy.

I do have something for ya. Here you go.

Mind if I join ya? I got one for ya.

Come on, dirty Dirt.

Come on.

I got one. I got one for a face to

land on, myself.

A little up close and person...

Oh, boy, that one has got sauerkraut.

Hey, little logger boy.

Sexy Joe. These boys giving you trouble?

Oh, no, Missy, we're just funning around.

Can you keep a secret?

- Yeah, I guess so.

- Then keep this a secret.

Oh!

Dang. That secret had

some secret sauce in it.

How was hers the worst one?

Oh, man, Missy.

I still got some meth gas left inside.

Get this guy a paper towel.

You're right, kraut.

Can you read farts, boy?

Tell me what I had for supper last night.

All right, that's it, man.

22 times ain't funny no more.

Is this where you wanna be when Jesus

comes back? Fartin' in Joe Dirt's face?

I will take my chances.

Daddy?

Why are they farting on you?

And right there, it started

to dawn on them that their dad,

the dad they used to think was Superman,

wasn't no Superman.

He was a loser. He was just Joe Dirt.

Y'all leave him alone.

Stop farting into his face, or there's more

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