
Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser
(5.00 / 1 vote)Grand Canyon ain't nothin'.
Being a grandfather, or a father, now
that's harder than being the Grand Canyon.
It's just a hole, sitting
there, doing nothing.
Okay, but are you even okay without
havin' a Grand Canyon?
Or should we just kick some sand up all
over it, and fill it up like a cat box?
Shit.
All I'm sayin' is the Grand Canyon is
where Joe was left that very day.
Yo, Ebony, Ivory? You
talkin' about Joe Dirt?
- Yeah.
- I know a little something about Joe Dirt.
Stopped into an old radio station I worked
a few years back.
Stayed for, it must have been a week.
Wove some bat-shit crazy tale.
So bat-shit, he should have hung upside down
from the ceiling when he was telling it.
I remember a big kid, bigger heart.
Sure, you know, I'm not saying the IQ
wasn't subterranean.
I mean, that intellect was barely
skimming the treetops.
Now, I ain't saying that I ain't
in "agree-ence" with you.
But somewhere in there,
the speechifying you making,
it just ain't sounded right.
Hey, John C-minus Reilly.
It's not "agree-ence", it's "agreematude".
And by the way, what's with the mouth
for God's sakes?
The teeth look like a half-completed
Lego project.
What are you gargling with, M-80s?
Are those deciduous teeth? I'm waiting
for them to change color, fall out
and float down to the Grand. Who's your
orthodontist, Moe Howard with
a ball-peen hammer?
I mean, for God's sakes, man. It looks like
Willie Stargell took a bat to your mouth.
Now listen, JD has got himself in
another bind here.
But, why not let the boy tell ya
his own tale, in his own way?
Let's drop that needle, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.
That's a sweet song, I get the thematics,
but this is Joe Dirt.
We're gonna start this puppy off,
we gotta go old school. Try it again, guys.
Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin
Singing songs about the south-land
I miss "ole" 'bamy once again
And I think it's a sin
Hello.
I'm Dirt. I'm Joe Dirt.
Those look like pretty comfortable
shoes you got on there.
My boots don't feel so good, but
they're, like, magical or something.
Look, cracker, don't you be talking
no Forrest Gump
crap to me, you little bitch waffle.
Sittin' there talkin' all that honky-ass
whiney crap like,
"Mama said life is like
a box of chocolates."
Boy, sittin' next to you for even
ten seconds makes me feel like I should
take a shower in a bath full of Clorox.
Shit.
Mullet head.
Hey, if I said "hi" to you, you're not going
to call me, like, a dumb crap Forrest Gump
or something, will you?
Well, uh, let's play it by ear.
Are you waiting on the seven
cross-town bus?
Fair enough.
No, I'm just waitin' for the concert to be
over, over there, yeah. I tidy up after.
- Tidy up?
- Dirty, yeah. I'm sort of, you know, a roadie.
Oh, you travel with the bands, and you
pack up their equipment after concerts
- and their amplifiers and stuff?
- Oh, yeah, exactly. But, no, not per se.
I don't travel with them.
Uh, mostly I mop up after they're done.
Like, I clean up the poop and the barf
and things. And your occasional fart items.
And peepee, you know, whatnot.
So, you don't actually travel with them,
and such. Not a roadie.
No, exactly. I don't know where
that started, yeah.
- Now we're on the same page.
- Why aren't you in there,
- watching them perform?
- Oh, uh, well,
I ain't exactly allowed in the building
during the concerto, if you will.
But, if there is a diarrhea emergency or
something, I get to go in and clean it up.
And I can hear a little bit.
So there are some perks.
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 23 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/joe_dirt_2:_beautiful_loser_11342>.