Jim Jefferies: This Is Me Now Page #4

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It's not like if you go to

a really authentic Mexican restaurant...

And there's like a f***ing sombrero

and a piata,

and you walk in with your wife and kids,

like, "This is very nice.

This is a lovely restaurant."

Then, a waiter takes you away

from your family...

Off to the special Mexican closet.

You come back out,

your ass is like a Japanese flag.

You look at your wife, and you're like,

"Why do we keep coming here?

Every week.

If the food wasn't so good..."

It's not a Mexican thing.

Sure, some of them are rapey.

Every nationality rapes.

You have British rapists,

you have Australian rapists,

or Australia wouldn't exist

in its current state.

There's...

There's probably a Canadian rapist,

one fella.

Polite bloke.

You know, a nice bloke.

Where you're going for a jog,

and he just drags you into some bushes,

like,

"I'm so sorry about this. I'm so sorry."

I won't be too long.

I don't want to ruin your day."

That's why I do believe

there should be a wall.

There should be a wall...

on the Canadian border.

So that when the Americans

run out of health care,

they can't crawl over into Canada.

I think the Canadians

should just make the wall three foot high.

Just to take the piss.

So that when the Americans

are crawling over,

because their lungs are filled with coal

from getting all their jobs back.

Like, who the f***...

wants their job back in the coal mine?

Like, what the f*** is...

They're like, "We're gonna get

our coal mining jobs back."

What the f***?

I didn't even know coal was still a thing.

As soon as Trump said it,

I'm like,

"Is this is a f***ing Dickens novel?

What the f***?"

And why the f*** do these people

deserve to have a job?

What, because their dad had a job,

and their grandfather had

the same f***ing job,

and their great-great grandpappy...

Have some f***ing dreams,

you low aspirational f***.

And they say things,

they're just like this,

like, "If the coal mine shuts down,

then the whole town will shut down."

Yeah, f*** your town. F*** it.

F*** it.

In my lifetime,

the population of the world has gone

from three billion to seven billion,

and no one wants to move

to your f***ing town. Take a f***ing hint.

No, it's good. No hecklers, happy.

I don't like the hecklers.

I was doing the Edinburgh Festival

in Scotland.

I have to say Scotland,

'cause American people are watching.

Um...

I was doing the Edinburgh Festival

in Scotland,

and I was performing

in front of about 400 people.

I was doing a routine

I've done in one of my older specials

that I don't do any more,

about how you have to

baptize your children,

because if you don't

baptize your children,

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