Jewtopia Page #2

Say hi for the...

for the audience, Rebecca.

- Hi.

- Wow.

Now Rebecca has just informed me

underneath her graduation gown.

Is that true, Rebecca?

That is true, vance,

and I dare you

to get a close-up.

Stop.

Get out.

Oh, my God.

You're so beautiful.

I just... I found this

beautiful little pink box.

You're disgusting.

No, look. Really.

Marry me, Rebecca.

Look, these last three years

have been a lot of fun together,

but we're entering

the real world now,

and in the real world,

this can't work.

Why not?

Because you're not Jewish.

Wait.

What are you saying?

It's over, Christian.

And now I'm a 31-year-old plumber,

still crying over his

college girlfriend.

I miss Bec-Bec.

Okay, I located that one!

70 pounds of pressure

rising! Over!

Okay. Locating

the septic tank!

Looking at 85 pounds

and rising! Over!

Are you there, boss?

Over!

Yeah, guys, I'm here.

Sorry, sorry.

And did you find the gas line?

Yeah, got it.

- Got it too.

- Okay, boss.

We're going to shut

them both down, okay?

Tres, dos, shut off!

Guys, I'm really sorry.

I don't know what happened.

I must have spaced out.

It's cool, boss.

No worries.

I space out too sometime.

But if it was my responsibility

to turn off the gas and sewer lines

of my loyal, hardworking,

underpaid employees

next to a leaking septic tank

with 10,000 pounds of raw sewage,

I would not f***ing space out!

Sorry. What'd you say?

I spaced out.

Ay, madre de dios!

Que es eso?

What is that?

- What?

- Que es eso? Que...

What was I thinking, coming

to work with you today?

- It's may 25th.

- Oye, cinco de Mayo?

No, pendejo, may 25th is the day

that this chica Rebecca

dumped him nine years ago.

And accidentally hooked

it up to the hot water?

Boiling toilet day.

Boss, I loved that day, man.

I went to take a crap and

the toilet exploded!

I still have porcelain in my ass.

Look, boss, me and Juan, okay,

we love you, okay?

Of risking our life for this puta!

Look, just do us both a favor.

Go out there and find

yourself another puta

and move on with your life, puto!

You get on with your

life, you puto!

Boss, can I go to the bathroom?

Mm-Hmm.

Have you ever dreamed

embroidered on your

favorite undies?

What about your gang name

on your baseball cap?

Malt 40! Unh!

Manatee! Uh-huh!

Goldie tooth!

Then come on down to

the embroidery palace.

Where our royal family has provided

the highest quality custom

embroidery for 50 years!

No Booty too big,

no Booty too small,

because here at the

embroidery palace,

we embroider it all!

- What the hell?

- Oh, damn it!

Sorry. I told her

not to call again.

Could you be any

more p*ssy-whipped?

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