Jeff Dunham: Arguing With Myself Page #4

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Jeff Dunham:
Walter, how's the love life?

Walter:
You mean sex?

Jeff Dunham:
Yes

Walter:
I'm married, you moron! I'm too old too

Jeff Dunham:
You're not too old

Walter:
How would you know?

Jeff Dunham:
Well, i don't know, but i do know

I had grandparents who well into their eighties,

where still having fun.

Walter:
Their eighties? Good god... What the hell kinda sex is that? "Was it good for you?" "I can't remember"

"We just finished!" "Who are you?"

Jeff Dunham:
Are you trying to tell me there's nothing

sexually going on between you and your wife?

Walter:
It's very difficult. She gripes about everything.

Jeff Dunham:
Like what?

Walter:
She said i don't make the right noises during sex

Jeff Dunham:
Sorry to hear that

Walter:
Wanna hear what i do?

Jeff Dunham:
No

Walter:
Alright, you talked me into it.

Jeff Dunham:
Wait a minute...

Walter:
Now be careful, these are gonna be kind of pornographic. "Get off" "I can't see the weather channel!" "Get the hell off!"

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Oh, now that's funny! Wait, no it's not.

Jeff Dunham:
I know you know better than i do, but i mean is there any kind of foreplay for you guys?

Walter:
Foreplay? At our age? Yeah, it's come down to:

"hey, wake up!" You know what oral sex for us is?

Jeff Dunham:
What?

Walter:
She screams: "screw you!" And i yell: "bite me!"

Jeff Dunham:
Come on Walter, at your age,

how do you keep things fresh in the bedroom?

Walter:
Febreze. I don't know. My wife and i heard

that coffee's good for your sex life

Jeff Dunham:
Coffee? Is it?

Walter:
No, it kept me awake through the whole damn thing. I actually had to participate! Doctor said it's bad for my heart too.

Jeff Dunham:
Oh, the caffeine?

Walter:
No, seeing my wife naked

Jeff Dunham:
That's awful!

Walter:
Oh, you seen her too?

Jeff Dunham:
So, is coffee good for the sex life or not?

Walter:
I don't know, but they're never gonna let us go back into that Starbucks again! Well, we used the filter!

Jeff Dunham:
You know Walter. Despite how you act, i bet when you were younger you were quite a ladiesman

Walter:
I used to chase skirts all over the world.

Jeff Dunham:
Really?

Walter:
Till i got to Scotland... And boy, was i surprised!

Jeff Dunham:
So you had women everywhere?

Walter:
I even dated a girl in India

Jeff Dunham:
Really?

Walter:
Lovely young lady. Weird *** country.

Jeff Dunham:
What's wrong with India?

Walter:
I don't now. Most of the women got a red dot in the middle of their forehead. What the hell is that? "You are here" Maybe it lights up when the coffee is ready?

Jeff Dunham:
Sorry.

Walter:
"Scratch it off, you friggin win something!!"

Jeff Dunham:
Will you stop?!

Walter:
How about this: "hey looks like she's videotaping me all the time!"

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