Jeff Dunham: Arguing With Myself Page #2

Genre: Comedy
Year:
2006
1,516 Views


Sweet Daddy Dee:
Now uh you two girls are twins right?

Jeff Dunham:
Well ladies and gentlemen, i have a few guys to introduce to you tonight. The first guy i met years ago when i was still in college And he's a Vietnam war veteran. And he was a welder at the time. He'd been married for many, many years. And he was just tired of being in the house and wanted to get out. He saw what i did on weekends. He thought it would be fun just to

get up in front of people and just talk. Give his point of views on all kinds of subjects. So we tried it a few times,

i thought he was great We've been a team ever since.

Please help me welcome my old friend: Walter.

Walter:
Shut the hell up!

Jeff Dunham:
Walter, you're happy to be here?

Walter:
Overjoyed! Last week, i was lying on a beach in Maui and i couldn't decide, gee should i stay in Hawaii or go to friggin Santa Ana? My god, i can die happy now!

Jeff Dunham:
It's a fine city

Walter:
I don't give a damn

Jeff Dunham:
What's wrong with you?

Walter:
I don't know It's hot as hell outside, my skin is a dry and itchy, you put me in a sweater. Sure as hell, not gonna ask you for lotion.

Jeff Dunham:
You know you don't have to do this

Walter:
Yeah, i can get a real job

Jeff Dunham:
What would you do?

Walter:
I wanna be a greeter at Wal-Mart. What the hell is so funny?!

Jeff Dunham:
At Wal-Mart, what would be your opening line?

Walter:
Welcome to Wal-Mart, get your **** (stuff) and get out! Have a nice day.

Jeff Dunham:
Anything else wrong?

Walter:
I don't know. My wife and i couldn't find any place to park anywhere near this stinkin joint. And some jerk pulled up in a brand new Mercedes, goes right in the handicap spot. He gets out of the car and there's nothing wrong with him. Don't you hate that?

Audience:
Yeah.

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Jeff Dunham

Jeffrey "Jeff" Dunham (born April 18, 1962) is an American ventriloquist and comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. He has six specials that run on Comedy Central: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself, Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity, Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters, and Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map. Dunham also starred in The Jeff Dunham Show, a series on the network in 2009.His style has been described as "a dressed-down, more digestible version of Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". Describing his characters, Time magazine said, "All of them are politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered." Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen.Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" by Slate.com, and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009 (his introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time). A Very Special Christmas Special was the most-watched telecast in Comedy Central history, with its DVD selling over 400,000 in its first two weeks. Forbes.com ranked Dunham as the third highest-paid comedian in the United States behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, and reported that he was one of the highest-earning comics from June 2008 to June 2009, earning approximately $30 million during that period. Dunham also does occasional acting roles. He achieved the Guinness Book of World Records record for "Most tickets sold for a stand-up comedy tour" for his Spark of Insanity tour, performing in 386 venues worldwide. more…

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