Jackass Number Two Page #2
Well, if you didn't jump out of the way,
I would've had it done the first time.
- You should've pressed, you a**hole!
- I did press! You went like that!
F***! Oh, God damn, that hurt so bad.
Turn around.
I'm not going to burn you again.
I already got you three times.
- Three of them.
- You gave me a hologram dick.
there's one half-assed one right here
and then you gave me a set of balls.
- But a sweet set of balls.
- Rad.
I'd rather rip my dick off
and throw it in the river
than to do that again.
God damn.
We're at Ape and Phil's house
the branded dick on my butt.
Let me rephrase that. D*cks.
- Well, I gave him a present.
- What present?
He loved it.
- What?
- It still hurts.
- What? What am I looking at?
- He gave me a dick farm on my ass.
Oh, my God! What is that?
What is that?
- I branded his ass.
- It's supposed to be a dick
but he did it six times,
so now I have a dick farm on my ass.
- Is that permanent?
- Yes! Look!
- What is that, a tattoo?
- It's a brand. A hot iron for cows.
Bam, that is so infected!
That does not look good. Oh, my God,
he's going to have that for life!
- You're going to have that for life.
- No sh*t.
If you have one on there, you should've
made it bigger and more realistic.
- That puny thing's embarrassing.
- Ape, I got a muffed-up-ass butt.
I know, and you had the cutest butt ever
and now you've ruined it.
- No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.
- Yeah, why'd you ruin it?
I tried to do it good. He jumped around.
I was scared. I'm burning my own friend.
Why would you burn him
in the first place, Dunn?
- Because it was funny.
- It's not funny.
Get ready to be happy,
ladies and gentlemen.
Johnny Knoxville is going to jump
the entire lake.
He's amazing.
What happened? You were going about
one mile per hour,
then, all of a sudden, 60.
I thought you were gonna hang on.
There is no holding on
to that motherf***er.
Oh, my God.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Zupan
is going to jump the entire lake.
Mark, give our regards
to the folks on the other side.
I thought they forgot to set it off
and then it just took off.
- I don't know what happened.
- I don't either.
- All I know is he almost made it.
- He's a hero.
We're here in England
with Mat Hoffman
and he's about to jump
the English Channel into Germany.
Good luck, Mat.
That was f***ing great.
He didn't even go to Germany.
Oh, my God.
It's a lovely day for a swim
in the Gulf of Mexico.
I'm Steve-O, and this is the Fish Hook.
Oh, man, that's gone through. I got you.
- Oh, dude.
- We got it? We're good?
That hurt to do that to you.
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"Jackass Number Two" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jackass_number_two_11125>.
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