
Jackass Number Two
Holy sh*t!
Oh, f***!
No, no, no!
Oh, sh*t!
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass!
All right, boys and girls.
It's time for a puppet show.
Once upon a time,
there was a hungry serpent
who needed a friend.
Hello, Mr. Serpent.
My name is Mr. Mousey.
I wanna be your friend.
Yeah, just make sure my
whole weiner's out. I wanna look good.
How about if I tickle him on the tail?
Hey, over here.
That's not nice.
That's not the way we play back home.
That was not nice.
Dude.
He's like an inch away.
Here we go. Give me a little kissy.
A little kiss.
Oh, God!
Oh, God, that hurts!
It's got its tooth stuck in his dick!
I guess the puppet show's over then.
Oh, my God.
"Hi, Jackass guys.
"I heard you were staying at this hotel."
- What the f*** is that?
- Dude, look at that.
It's like... Someone like...
Look at it. What is this?
I can't even read it, dude.
Read it out loud.
"Hi, Jackass guys.
I heard you were staying at this hotel.
"My name is Stephanie
and me and my friends love you.
"Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago.
"I don't care about that."
Oh! You f***ing dick.
Oh, my God.
I was wondering
why it was so f***ing small.
Did you see this?
F***ing fans just wrote this, like,
saying how much they want to f*** us.
And it says...
Read it up close. It's f***ing hilarious.
- Read it out loud for the camera.
- Okay.
"Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago."
It was probably you.
"And I don't care about that.
"Me and my friends
will totally rock your world.
"I wanna f*** you all."
It's the f***ing stupidest thing
I've ever seen.
Fans actually put that...
Read the little part, dude.
Get Wee Man's little ass up here
but only if... No one be in the hall.
- Just, like, Bam. He's selling it so good.
Wee Man, dude,
some girl wants to rock your world.
Dude, you got to read this.
These fans put up this...
Dude, stand on this.
Read it out loud for the camera.
It's perfect "behind the scenes", dude.
"Hi, Jackass guys.
I heard you were staying at this hotel.
"My name is Stephanie
and me and my friends love you.
"Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago.
"I don't care about that.
"Me and my friends..."
Oh, my God, that was amazing.
He actually stood on the chair.
Why would there ever be a chair
in the hallway?
I'm Dave England,
and this is the Firehose Rodeo.
F***ing hell!
God damn it!
Oh, sh*t!
- Bravo, homo.
- Did you see how he slammed?
My ass hurts so f***ing bad!
- Hey, is it bleeding?
- Yeah.
Man, you are bleeding.
- My ass is bleeding?
- We have rectal bleeding.
Another first for Jackass.
Get back here, you little bastard!
Get back here!
Now it's time
for a little Bicentennial BMXing.
- All right.
- Alley-oop.
Hear ye, hear ye.
Why would anybody ride this sh*t?
It's like, what's the reasoning?
Why wouldn't they just make
two of the same-size wheel?
Oh, f***.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
You didn't land it.
My head stopped my body
from getting really hurt on that one.
Oh, f***.
See, we have a weight going up
and it's supposed to hit me in the nuts,
but I'd prefer to have, like,
and then, instead of the nuts,
it'll be my ass. It'll go right in.
That's the way to do it.
Could somebody
make a dick run? Please?
Today's debate.
Is it wrong to be strong?
You be the judge.
Now, Bam just took a golden dildo
up his ass at high speed.
That's what happened.
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Jackass Number Two" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 10 Dec. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jackass_number_two_11125>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In