Jackass Number Two

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Holy sh*t!

Oh, f***!

No, no, no!

Oh, sh*t!

Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to Jackass!

All right, boys and girls.

It's time for a puppet show.

Once upon a time,

there was a hungry serpent

and a lonely field mouse

who needed a friend.

Hello, Mr. Serpent.

My name is Mr. Mousey.

I wanna be your friend.

Yeah, just make sure my

whole weiner's out. I wanna look good.

How about if I tickle him on the tail?

Hey, over here.

That's not nice.

That's not the way we play back home.

That was not nice.

Dude.

He's like an inch away.

Here we go. Give me a little kissy.

A little kiss.

Oh, God!

Oh, God, that hurts!

It's got its tooth stuck in his dick!

I guess the puppet show's over then.

Oh, my God.

"Hi, Jackass guys.

"I heard you were staying at this hotel."

- What the f*** is that?

- Dude, look at that.

It's like... Someone like...

Look at it. What is this?

I can't even read it, dude.

Read it out loud.

"Hi, Jackass guys.

I heard you were staying at this hotel.

"My name is Stephanie

and me and my friends love you.

"Some of you actually hooked up

with my sister four years ago.

"I don't care about that."

Oh! You f***ing dick.

Oh, my God.

I was wondering

why it was so f***ing small.

Did you see this?

F***ing fans just wrote this, like,

saying how much they want to f*** us.

And it says...

Read it up close. It's f***ing hilarious.

- Read it out loud for the camera.

- Okay.

"Some of you actually hooked up

with my sister four years ago."

It was probably you.

"And I don't care about that.

"Me and my friends

will totally rock your world.

"I wanna f*** you all."

It's the f***ing stupidest thing

I've ever seen.

Fans actually put that...

Read the little part, dude.

Get Wee Man's little ass up here

but only if... No one be in the hall.

- Just, like, Bam. He's selling it so good.

- Is there a chair out here?

Wee Man, dude,

some girl wants to rock your world.

Dude, you got to read this.

These fans put up this...

Dude, stand on this.

Read it out loud for the camera.

It's perfect "behind the scenes", dude.

"Hi, Jackass guys.

I heard you were staying at this hotel.

"My name is Stephanie

and me and my friends love you.

"Some of you actually hooked up

with my sister four years ago.

"I don't care about that.

"Me and my friends..."

Oh, my God, that was amazing.

He actually stood on the chair.

Why would there ever be a chair

in the hallway?

I'm Dave England,

and this is the Firehose Rodeo.

F***ing hell!

God damn it!

Oh, sh*t!

- Bravo, homo.

- Did you see how he slammed?

My ass hurts so f***ing bad!

- Hey, is it bleeding?

- Yeah.

Man, you are bleeding.

- My ass is bleeding?

- We have rectal bleeding.

Another first for Jackass.

Get back here, you little bastard!

Get back here!

Now it's time

for a little Bicentennial BMXing.

- All right.

- Alley-oop.

Hear ye, hear ye.

This is really going to suck.

Why would anybody ride this sh*t?

It's like, what's the reasoning?

Why wouldn't they just make

two of the same-size wheel?

Oh, f***.

- You all right?

- Yeah.

You didn't land it.

My head stopped my body

from getting really hurt on that one.

Oh, f***.

See, we have a weight going up

and it's supposed to hit me in the nuts,

but I'd prefer to have, like,

a dildo instead of the weight

and then, instead of the nuts,

it'll be my ass. It'll go right in.

That's the way to do it.

Could somebody

make a dick run? Please?

Today's debate.

Is it wrong to be strong?

You be the judge.

Now, Bam just took a golden dildo

up his ass at high speed.

That's what happened.

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