
Jackass Number Two
(0.00 / 0 votes)Holy shit!
Oh, f*ck!
No, no, no!
Oh, shit!
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass!
All right, boys and girls.
It's time for a puppet show.
Once upon a time,
there was a hungry serpent
who needed a friend.
Hello, Mr. Serpent.
My name is Mr. Mousey.
I wanna be your friend.
Yeah, just make sure my
whole weiner's out. I wanna look good.
How about if I tickle him on the tail?
Hey, over here.
That's not nice.
That's not the way we play back home.
That was not nice.
Dude.
He's like an inch away.
Here we go. Give me a little kissy.
A little kiss.
Oh, God!
Oh, God, that hurts!
It's got its tooth stuck in his dick!
I guess the puppet show's over then.
Oh, my God.
"Hi, Jackass guys.
"I heard you were staying at this hotel."
- What the f*ck is that?
- Dude, look at that.
It's like... Someone like...
Look at it. What is this?
I can't even read it, dude.
Read it out loud.
"Hi, Jackass guys.
I heard you were staying at this hotel.
"My name is Stephanie
and me and my friends love you.
"Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago.
"I don't care about that."
Oh! You fucking dick.
Oh, my God.
I was wondering
why it was so fucking small.
Did you see this?
Fucking fans just wrote this, like,
saying how much they want to f*ck us.
And it says...
Read it up close. It's fucking hilarious.
- Read it out loud for the camera.
- Okay.
"Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago."
It was probably you.
"And I don't care about that.
"Me and my friends
will totally rock your world.
"I wanna f*ck you all."
It's the fucking stupidest thing
I've ever seen.
Fans actually put that...
Read the little part, dude.
Get Wee Man's little ass up here
but only if... No one be in the hall.
- Just, like, Bam. He's selling it so good.
Wee Man, dude,
some girl wants to rock your world.
Dude, you got to read this.
These fans put up this...
Dude, stand on this.
Read it out loud for the camera.
It's perfect "behind the scenes", dude.
"Hi, Jackass guys.
I heard you were staying at this hotel.
"My name is Stephanie
and me and my friends love you.
"Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago.
"I don't care about that.
"Me and my friends..."
Oh, my God, that was amazing.
He actually stood on the chair.
Why would there ever be a chair
in the hallway?
I'm Dave England,
and this is the Firehose Rodeo.
Fucking hell!
God damn it!
Oh, shit!
- Bravo, homo.
- Did you see how he slammed?
- Hey, is it bleeding?
- Yeah.
Man, you are bleeding.
- My ass is bleeding?
- We have rectal bleeding.
Another first for Jackass.
Get back here, you little bastard!
Get back here!
Now it's time
for a little Bicentennial BMXing.
- All right.
- Alley-oop.
Hear ye, hear ye.
Why would anybody ride this shit?
It's like, what's the reasoning?
Why wouldn't they just make
two of the same-size wheel?
Oh, f*ck.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
You didn't land it.
My head stopped my body
from getting really hurt on that one.
Oh, f*ck.
See, we have a weight going up
and it's supposed to hit me in the nuts,
but I'd prefer to have, like,
and then, instead of the nuts,
it'll be my ass. It'll go right in.
That's the way to do it.
Could somebody
make a dick run? Please?
Today's debate.
Is it wrong to be strong?
You be the judge.
Now, Bam just took a golden dildo
up his ass at high speed.
That's what happened.
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Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Jackass Number Two" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 18 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jackass_number_two_11125>.