Irreplaceable You Page #2

---

about the structural differences

between sensory neurons, interneurons,

and motor neurons.

Which is totally cool.

Does anyone have any questions

about this?

I know, it's exciting stuff.

So then he just sends me

this totally unprompted dick pic,

and I'm like, "Whoa! You just went there?"

And he says,

"Oh, baby, that's only my level one."

What is that?

He has a level one, two, three,

depending on relationship status.

Aren't you curious about level two?

It's insane. Look.

Well, at least he's thinking of you.

Lies. All lies.

I saved it to my photo album,

and it says it was taken on April 4, 2013.

We hadn't even met yet.

This erection has nothing to do with me.

I hate dating.

You're so lucky you have Sam.

I mean, yes, but I still had to get

maybe pregnant to get him to step up.

Oh, my God, Abbie! That's it!

I just need to get definitely pregnant.

No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying.

But, uh, speaking of...

- Oh, my God, I got to go.

- What? You're not supposed to go today.

We have the meeting

with all the mom blogs.

You're supposed to approve

the feminist princess book.

Melanie, you got this.

I don't got this.

Oh, God, I didn't realize it was possible

to be this tired and bloated.

Maybe it's twins.

Yikes.

[phone buzzes]

Hmm.

Level two.

[Abbie] How is it possible something

that giant comes out of there?

It just looks like something

out of a sci-fi horror movie.

That's not helpful!

[Dr. Michaelson]

I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.

This picture, is it necessary?

[Abbie chuckles]

Um, Abbie, I have some difficult news.

The blood test shows

that you are not pregnant.

Oh.

- [Abbie] Are you sure?

- Yes.

Oh, okay.

I guess that's okay.

I- I mean, the whole thing

was kind of a surprise.

- Yeah. We probably weren't even ready.

- Right.

It-it-it's just...

It's weird 'cause, um,

I know it's super early,

but I-I really feel something there.

The sonogram shows

that you have a mass in your pelvis

roughly the size of a tangerine.

It can mimic pregnancy.

- A mass?

- What kind of a mass?

[Dr. Michaelson] I don't want you guys

to panic, because it could be nothing.

[Abbie] There's this moment

when everything changes.

You look back,

and there was the moment before.

See that person?

It's not helpful!

She's thinking about

whether she's hoping for a boy or a girl,

and tiny fingers and toes, and then...

[Dr. Michaelson]

I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.

[Abbie] Suddenly...

Yeah.

At least we won't have to pay for college.

Unless it's a really smart tumor.

Too soon?

[sighs] It's too soon.

A tangerine is better than an orange.

Or a grapefruit.

Right. Or, um...

What's bigger than a grapefruit?

Rate this script:4.0 / 2 votes