Irreplaceable You

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[delicate piano music]

[Abbie] What if we stayed in bed all day?

[Sam] That sounds like the best day ever.

We should stay here all week.

[Abbie] What if we got bored?

[Sam] Us, bored?

When have we ever been bored?

[Abbie] What if we got hungry?

What would we do for food?

[Sam] Well, we could order takeout

and have it delivered right here.

[Abbie] But then what if we lost our jobs

and apartment

and we had no place to live?

[Sam laughs]

[Sam] Stop. Stop worrying.

[Abbie] Full disclosure:

I didn't have to worry about any of that,

because this is where my story ends.

So does yours, by the way.

So does everyone's.

It's okay. Really.

Calm. Peaceful.

One with nature.

Most of it I don't miss at all.

Really.

But then, there's Sam.

- [Abbie] Hi, Sam.

- Hi, Abbie.

[Abbie] Sam was... is the love of my life.

But let's start at the beginning.

[guide] And here we come

to our coral reef, home to many species,

including over 50 types of fish,

the green moray eel, the cownose ray...

Oh, those guys are mating.

Okay. Uh, look over there!

Why are, like, six of them

mating together?

Which one is the mommy?

See, here's the thing, kids,

fish are not like people.

They're not monogamous.

Not that many people are either,

but that's another...

What's "monogamous"?

Well, uh,

okay, monogamy means

if you love someone,

you stick with them for the long haul.

My dad screwed my Aunt Rosa.

My mommy and daddy are separated.

My mom ran away with my dentist.

My dad said she was getting

her cavity filled in.

Yep. It's not easy.

Lots of things can separate us:

Aunt Rosa, the dentist,

Lauren Mulgrew in World of Amphibians.

However,

there actually is one monogamous fish.

The deep-sea anglerfish.

The male anglerfish hunts for the female,

following her through

the most dangerous parts of the deep.

Then, when he finds her,

he bites into her flesh

and never, ever lets go.

The two fish fuse into one.

And we're walkin'.

And we have our listening ears on.

[screams]

[Abbie] And that was it. True love.

[bright music]

Well, true love

plus an emergency room visit for Sam,

and a lot of therapy for me.

Girl, don't wanna say

I wanna stay apart

Girl, you try to change

I just might break in two

Hey, don't wanna say

I'll never stay up till

[rock music]

[Abbie] Sam's telling the story

of the bite, again,

which was a romantic gesture!

Really it was a behavioral problem.

She bit like six kids that year.

You're the only one

that meant anything to me.

Well, I had to go to the hospital.

- Six stitches.

- Three stitches.

I almost got kicked out of school.

You should have been kicked out of school.

You were rabid.

For years, I've tried to have her

de-fanged and de-clawed.

- Nice, Mom. Really nice.

- Hey! Oh! Guys, guys, guys!

Everybody, everybody,

come... come this way, please.

- I would like to make a toast.

- Oh, Benji...

- Oh, yeah.

- That's a really bad idea.

- Not a toast.

- Sam, Sam, it's already started.

Uh, happy engagement, you guys. Yeah?

- Happy engagement.

- Cheers!

Yeah! To the bride and groom! Huh?

I mean, they don't make any sense

on paper, right?

I mean, Abbie is type A

and Sam is type Z.

- Come on, I'm not type A.

- Uh...

What is a Z?

I mean, how did an amazing woman

like you

end up with the most clueless white dude

in the city? I mean, like...

- Like, you know, I mean, you...

- Benji!

- I'm not...

- Really. Dude.

- This could be your best toast ever.

- [Benji] Look, honestly,

I generally disapprove

of people who are as disgustingly happy

as you guys are,

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