In the Weeds Page #2

that aren't so great.

I want to move it all tonight.

100 bucks to whoever sells

the most bottles.

Okay?

Got it?

Get rid of it.

You hear that?

Push that wine.

And good luck.

I tried it. It sucks.

Okay.

Next on the agenda.

Ohh.

Seems our little Chrissy

filled in a credit-card tip

last night on a party of eight.

- How much?

- They left it empty.

I thought they were

letting me decide.

Well, the total was $400.

So he left himself another $400.

Wouldn't you say it must have

been excellent service?

I got a pregnant wife, okay?

Babies cost money.

If any of you ever, ever pull

something like this again,

you're out.

And I won't return the deposit

on your apron.

All right.

Last issue.

Simon's table.

Very V.I.P.

V.V.I.P.

Who wants it?

Adam?

He doesn't hate you.

I take it he's sitting up

on his perch.

Where else?

All right, boys and girls.

Here we go.

Happy faces.

Sell with ingenuity.

Fresh pepper and cheese

will up your gratuity.

Up your gratuity.

I heard that.

Five bucks to anyone

who will take Simon's table.

- I don't think so.

I'm gonna get

some Lotto tickets.

You guys want in?

- How much is the jackpot?

- $31 million.

I'm in.

Mexican busboy wins Lotto,

buys restaurant, fires staff.

I can see it.

I'm in.

How'd your big audition go?

It was a call-back.

It was a producer's call-back.

I don't want to talk about it

and jinx myself.

This guy before me is in there

5 minutes.

I'm in there 20.

I almost had to excuse myself.

I don't want to say any more.

Married.

Gay.

Involved.

Jehovah's Witness.

God only knows.

They're gonna see people

into the night

and then make their decision.

My agent's gonna beep me.

I'm going crazy.

I want this thing so bad.

Can you imagine

getting out of here?

Can I imagine it?

It's all I ever think about.

You're telling me

there's not one available

hetero man

in this whole restaurant?

Well, there's Cliff.

But he's out for a couple weeks.

One of his testicles enlarged

to the size of a grapefruit.

There's Marlon, but he's

too in love with himself.

Like "Romeo and Juliet"

without the Juliet.

Oh, then there's Adam,

but he just had

his little heart broken.

Caught his girlfriend cheating.

Sworn off love.

I'll do the candles.

- You can do salt and peppers.

- No.

Chloe, who is your cute,

little, babe-in-the-woods,

fragile-little-egg friend?

- You must be Marlon.

- My reputation precedes me.

It's nothing to be proud of.

Now get lost.

Believe everything you've heard.

Adam.

Because you're serving royalty,

I'm gonna have Becky help you.

- Give her 25 /..

- This wasn't my idea.

That's okay.

Simon doesn't tip.

Tonight he might.

Try to impress this investor.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes