I Love You, Beth Cooper Page #4

Dead Poets Society.

Yes, thank you. Thank you,

Rich. We know. It's good.

Come here, please.

There are condoms

in my bedside table.

Do you, like, know exactly

how many there are?

They are not toys.

- Yeah.

- Sure.

I think my dad wants us

to have sex.

- With each other?

- No.

Right.

She should really be here by now.

So your parents use condoms?

Not a topic for discussion.

Ever.

Okay. No, it's okay.

I won't.

I just, yeah, I mean, what,

do you think they're lubed? Or...

Incoming!

Go, go, go!

It's the trinity.

(SPEAKS IN SPANISH)

So where's our boy

in uniform?

He's on our sh*t list.

One of his army buddies was

getting all date-rapey with Treece.

- Oh.

- Oh.

So, where's the party?

This is it.

Here, this location.

Welcome.

Come on in.

Warning, roof may be blown off

due to excessive partying.

Well, go ahead,

princess.

Come on up. Yeah.

Watch your step.

Now entering

the party pod, captain.

Um...

Are we the first ones here?

Yeah,

we are never first.

I've never been

in this house before.

La fiesta es this way,

mi bonitas.

Por favor, sweet and salty

comida for your comesting.

Everything's organic.

The pretzels are fat free.

Are you calling me fat?

What?

No. Not... No.

Hey, come on, you, fat? Why would

he say that? He's not retarded.

My brother's retarded.

(CHUCKLING)

(SIGHING)

RICH:

That's... That was... That's cold.

You probably don't even

have a brother.

No, he, uh... He died.

(LAUGHING)

Yeah, that was really...

You got me, that was...

I'm so sorry.

It was a long time ago, but thanks.

Yeah.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

What do you want,

Kevin?

I need beer.

Heh, heh. Yeah, you do.

Uh...

Donde esta la beer,

Coovemaster?

My dad doesn't drink beer.

We have champagne.

Ooh. Okay.

Champagne.

Bubbly goodness. Uh...

This is Cristal.

It's the drink of the pimps.

- "The pimps?"

- Mm-hm.

What do you know

about pimps?

Nothing, really.

Mm. Cristal seems to have

changed its logo and spelling.

Champagne makes me

do... things.

Girl, water makes you

do things.

Not regular water.

Ha, ha.

Oh, yeah, okay. I, uh...

Classic.

BETH:

I told you.

No, I don't.

No!

No, you can't come here.

Yeah, well...

Maybe.

I'm busy right now, Kevin.

I want some of that.

No, I will not tell you

where I am or who I'm with...

...but I will tell you this, Kevin,

I'm drinking champagne.

Yep. And it is coming right...

Aah! Oh. God. Oh.

It's okay. Oh.

BETH:
Oh, nothing.

DENIS:
Yeah.

Pfft. Heh.

I'll get this off here.

Would you hurry up?

Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just...

The internal pressure is 90 pounds

per square inch...

...so I don't really know

what the problem...

Don't you dare GPS me.

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