I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell Page #3

passed the no-touching-strippers ordinance.

Wait a second. You wanna touch

them now? You said they're disgusting.

Well, what do you wanna do, Dan?

Play checkers?

This is a f***ing bachelor party.

What did you have in mind?

All right. Thank you very much.

A short 3?hour drive away

is a strip club called Avarice.

You know what, I'm sorry,

let me back that up.

This isn't just some strip club.

This is the Super Bowl

of carnal pleasures.

We've been to strip clubs before.

Not like this one, dude.

First time I got a lap dance there...

the stripper grabs my hands

and puts them on her tits.

Second dance, she turns around

and dry humps me the entire time.

She was gorgeous and she wasn't close

to being the best one there.

I used to think there was a line

between a gentlemen's club and a brothel.

-Now you're telling me it's all just gray.

-Wait a second.

You can full on grab their tits

and they don't even care?

-They encourage it.

-Bet they had good childhoods.

The very best part,

$10 dances all night long.

I would rather fellate a hot curling iron

than drive 250 miles...

because Tucker breastfed till he was 9.

Look, sounds great, but I can't leave,

all right?

I got all kinds of meetings

and stuff tomorrow.

What kind of meetings?

You know, important stuff,

like the seating chart and whatnot.

A seating chart?

I'm pretty sure

Kristy can cut that Gordian knot.

Look, the wedding is next weekend,

all right?

I'm not gonna leave Kristy hanging

because of some no-touch policy.

That's your issue, Tucker, not mine.

We'll be back tomorrow afternoon.

If we stay in Richmond...

we're not gonna have the

experience we need to make up...

for that abomination of an engagement

party you had with Kristy's family.

So the tension builds.

G, 61.

Any bingos?

G, 61.

Genesis chapter 6, verse 1.

-Yeah, that was pretty bad.

-This is it.

This is our last f***ing gasp together

as single men.

I guess.

Dude, you're my boys.

I'm just gonna be honest with you,

if you keep acting like a b*tch...

somebody's gonna f***

that p*ssy in your face.

He's right. Someone will do that.

What about Drew?

Don't drag me into this.

There is a Next Generation marathon

this weekend.

I'm more than happy

just lusting after Deanna Troi.

He hasn't been out of his nerd hole

for 2 weeks.

-Drew needs this.

-You do need this.

I need this like I need hepatitis C.

You need this.

You need this.

He needs this. I need it.

We all need it.

Because it's our destiny as men.

There is no way

I'm not gonna regret this.

But f*** it. Let's go.

Done. F*** it.

-Whatever.

-Let's get the f*** out of here.

Why not?

Bro, make sure to tell Leslie

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