I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Attention all units, attack in progress

at 742 Summit Drive.

742 Summit Drive. Screaming heard from

inside the residence. Respond, code 3.

We'll be on scene in under a minute.

Additional person reporting

sound of animal abuse.

Hit it, man. Let's go.

What the hell is that?

-It's here.

-Yep.

Stop. Put your hands up

and move away.

I said, move away.

I said, move away.

-Miss, it's okay.

-What the f***?

I'm coming. I'm coming.

What are you doing, man?

What's going on?

I didn't do anything.

What are you talking about?

Get your hands behind your back.

I am deaf. Can you hear me?

-Hey, partner.

-What?

-You gotta look at this.

-I am deaf.

-F***.

-We don't have a crime here.

He wasn't raping me, he was f***ing me.

You know, f***ing.

Goddamn.

I was about to come.

You ever f*** a deaf chick?

Of course not.

-Are you getting excited?

-Are you nervous?

You only have 9 days left.

No, I'm not nervous, but....

I tell you what,

this wedding planning stuff is unreal.

I spent last night, all last night...

looking at books and magazines

of white flowers. Just white.

I love big weddings.

I don't know how people do it.

I'm just gonna elope.

Yeah? I was unaware that gay marriages

were legal in this state.

Yeah.

What?

Raise your hand

if you've ever f***ed a deaf girl.

Bullshit. You hooked up with a deaf girl?

What, you're deaf now too?

Yeah, Dan, I had sex with a deaf girl.

Didn't you hook up with a mute girl

last semester?

That makes you 2/3s of the way

to a Helen Keller.

Dude, you have no idea.

She was crazy. She:

F***ing....

I almost sh*t myself when those cops

busted in. I thought she set me up.

Mr. Max.

-What is your take on this issue?

-I'm sorry, what issue is that?

Are you not paying attention Mr. Max?

No, I wasn't. I apologize. I was busy talking

about having sex with a deaf girl.

Charming.

And oddly appropriate.

Do you or do you not feel that little people

should be a protected class?

You mean midgets?

No, Mr. Max, I do not mean midgets.

I mean little people.

"Midget" is an antiquated

and pejorative term.

What are we protecting them from,

eagles and poachers and stuff?

Like an endangered species?

-Really? Poachers?

-Mr. Max, if you didn't do the reading--

Well, sir, dwarfism is already

a protected class under the ADA.

So your point is kind of moot.

Now, if you're asking me if I agree,

I'm not sure.

There are so many kinds of little people.

There are the ones who are just shorter and

might need a booster seat at their cubicle.

There are those dwarves with giant heads

and flipper arms who can barely walk.

Now, is there a reasonable accommodation

an employer can make for those types...

that doesn't qualify him for

the business necessity exception?

-I don't think so.

-Then where do you draw the line?

I figure it's like riding a roller coaster.

You must be this high

to get ADA protection.

Very funny, Mr. Max.

What if I told you I just finished

a pro bono case...

that involved a gentlemen's club

that tried to terminate...

the employment of a dancer

with dwarfism because she--

You represented a midget stripper?

-Was she hot?

-Mr. Max.

If you're genuinely interested in the case,

come to office hours and I'll fill you in.

In the meantime, let's remember

that this is an employment law class...

not Adult Friend Finder.

Touch, I will shut up now.

Dude, so you ready

for your bachelor party tonight or what?

Locked and loaded.

Good. I'm gonna go get Drew.

Meet us at the campus bar after class.

I guess I'll just finish up here for you.

Jackass.

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