I Declare War Page #3

Kenney killed him

about half an hour ago

in the field near the hydro tower.

P.K. and I were there.

Scott kept calling for backup.

Nobody came.

First, I'm gonna kill him.

Then I wanna hear

how you got separated from Scott.

Now, give me a grenade.

No.

You're not in charge here, okay?

You're a grenade carrier!

Now, give me a grenade.

- You can't kill him!

- Skinner...

...you don't have what it takes to lead,

and you don't have what it takes

to beat a general like P.K. Sullivan.

Now, see her? She's smart.

She could do it. But not you.

You're just stupid.

So either sit down and shut up

and let me run this army,

or get off my team!

So, which is it?

- Okay.

- Okay, what?

Okay. I'm in charge.

You can't! It's not fair!

Go home. You're dead.

Then f*** you.

And f*** all you a**holes!

Who's with me?

Sikorski? Frost?

Yeah. That was cool.

Okay. Yeah.

You?

You have any contribution

to make to this team?

I have techniques.

Great. Whatever.

Sikorski, tie the chink to a tree.

- What's your name again?

- Wesley.

This your first war?

Yeah.

Why'd you come out?

Um... for fun, I guess.

I don't really have a lot of friends.

And you're a priest?

That why you don't have many friends?

Actually, I'm an altar boy.

At St. Andrew's.

Oh.

Ever been buggered?

No, it's an Anglican church.

So... what's the deal

with God, altar boy?

What do you mean?

What's so great about God?

God is love.

What the hell does that mean?

God loves you all the time,

no matter what.

So?

So, no matter what you do wrong,

all you have to do

is ask Him to forgive you,

and He will. Every time.

God is so gay.

If God told you to engage

in coprophagia, would you do it?

- What's copropha...

- Coprophagia.

It means eating sh*t.

Insane people do it,

and I guess dogs sometimes.

Do you even have the Internet?

Yeah, but I don't...

there's some dog sh*t right there.

Now, what if God said that you

had to engage in coprophagia,

or get kicked out of the church forever?

No, He would never do that.

Okay, what if He punished you?

You made a mistake, and God says,

"Okay, Wesley, you messed up.

But it's all good if you just engage

in some coprophagia...

...right now."

No, he would never.

He would just forgive me.

Okay.

Would you do it if I said

I'd be your friend?

Yeah. That's right.

You could come over, play

video games, have a sleep over.

Best friends.

- You're lying.

- I'm dead serious.

If you engage in coprophagia,

I will be your best friend.

No way.

- And I'll give you 50 bucks.

- Yeah, right.

You don't even have 50 bucks.

Fifty bucks... and my friendship.

It's your choice. Friendship...

or fresh breath.

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