I Could Never Be Your Woman Page #3

Ops I'm going to sing more,

and dance like a whore.

I'm just not talented.

Izz, look what I found.

They gave us these in the sixth grade.

See...

It's Mindy Menstruation.

Here she is staying clean.

And here she is eating right.

Oh, I like her hair better here.

With her Modes pads, nobody knows

about the gusher between her legs.

When can I have sex?

Uh uh....

When you get your masters degree.

No, come on, really.

When you go to college.

Eighteen.

Ma fifteen.

No way!

Maybe... seventeen.

Ma fifteen is the new seventeen.

Tonight, Yomena faces a personal crisis

on a very special "You Go Girl" that

teens should watch with their parents.

Quick, call your mom.

Izzie!

It's not the music.

It's driving me crazy.

- It's "Apes Escapes."

- Ma it's Dylan's favorite game.

I have to get good at it so

we will have something in common.

Oh, sounds like a

firm basis for a relationship.

- Now I'll walk you home.

- I have to sleep over.

My father's shooting the

country music awards tonight.

Just do something quiet so

Izz can finish her homework.

How the hell do you drop

two points from the "Candy Strippers"?

From now on no more issues.

No drugs, no teen pregnancies,

no homosexuals.

What about the same sex prom date?

Oh yeck!

No homo stuff!

Except maybe an occasional lesbian kiss.

But no eating disorders,

no racial strife.

Come on, let's get on it.

No more janky shows.

Never heard that word did ya'?

We hired this consulting team

the next thing they tell us

all the hot new trends.

Ok, we drop the prom, we move up.

Boys make over the nerdy guy...

No. No, that was just a backup script.

- Make overs are big.

- Make overs are so played out.

Plastic surgery makeovers, uh...

queer makeovers, straight

make overs, house makeovers,

car makeovers there's

nothing more to say about it.

You can do it.

Let us make this show cronk.

Groove.

Oh, and while we're in full comunicado

I want you to incorporate

these into the show.

We just covered there phones

with matching jewels.

These are the cool new ones.

I read in Newsweek where kids

text message more than talk.

- Is that a fact.

- Indeed.

Oh and put in that stuff

where they write "L" and "8".

That's how they say later.

I never seen so many nerds in one place.

Not since the last writers guild awards.

This is Mulersfeild. We're going

to start with the wedgie scene.

Maybe you did give me a wedgie,

and sure my head is no stranger to the

raging waters of the third floor toilets.

But one day...

She be like ten,

fifteen years from now...

Maybe you did give me a wedgie and...

Snap!

and sure my head is no stranger

to the raging waters of the...

of the third floor bathroom.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes