How to Murder Your Wife Page #3
- APPROVED
- Year:
- 1965
- 118 min
- 531 Views
Your Honour...
You better...
You better sit down, Your Honour.
You're smashed!
Smashed? Nonsense, my boy.
I'm as sober as a judge.
Hence the origin of the phrase.
No, no, no, don't do it, sir!
Don't do it!
Good morning, Charles.
Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
Lady in the bedroom.
Oh.
I, uh... don't know
exactly how to break this to you.
Uh...
I met her last night.
She came out of a cake.
I, uh...
seem to be married to her.
Ch-Charles!
- Oh.
- Oh.
You're awake. Well, that's fine.
Good, good, good, good, good.
Look... Before anything happens...
Before anything else happens,
we have to have a little talk. No...
No, a serious talk.
Look, very, very serious... talk.
Now, um... first of all,
I would like to apologise for last night.
Quite obviously, a mistake has been made.
On my part!
It's nothing that can't be rectified.
It can be rectified if we keep our heads.
Uh...
Let's, uh...
begin by very calmly
discussing the facts, huh?
Last night
at old Tobey's bachelor dinner, you...
came out of a cake.
That's natural. Young ladies
often come out of cakes at bachelor dinners.
So far, so good.
You and I were attracted to each other.
That's also natural. We happen to be
two extremely attractive people.
At any rate,
I followed you to your dressing room,
and, on some insane impulse,
while I was intoxicated, quite obviously.
And, apparently, you accepted.
I remember we went back to the dining room
to announce our betrothal,
which was greeted with enthusiasm
by my friends. Friends? Huh!
So, the mayor wakes up the licence clerk
and, before I knew what hit me, there's
Judge Blackstone, two guys holding him up...
"Now pronouncing you man and wife."
Anyway, that's where things stand, my dear,
at the moment.
As I say, it's nothing
that can't be rectified quite simply.
And you'll get a handsome settlement.
I happen to be very well off.
Si weeks in Las Vegas. Ooh, boy.
All there is to it.
My God, you're Italian.
Vous ne parlez... You don't sp...
No speaka da English?
No.
- Italian?
- Yes!
Oh, my God. Excuse me, I'll be right back.
You, uh... get-um dressed.
Me go talk-um butler.
Oh, oh, Stanley?
Vieni qui.
Sure.
Charles?!
Charles?! Charles?
Charles.
You can't do this!
Sorry, but I do not work
for married couples.
You knew that before you entered
into this curious alliance.
Now, Charles... Now, please, Charles...
Will you look at me?!
Good God, sir, how did it happen?
It wasn't my fault. I swear!
You've got to believe me.
Of course, I believe you, sir.
- Poor sir.
- Oh, poor Charles.
Good heavens. What is to become of us now?
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"How to Murder Your Wife" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/how_to_murder_your_wife_10315>.
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