How To Lose Friends & Alienate People Page #4

All right.

Thanks.

Chris Blick, man or woman?

Is Chris Blick a man or a woman?

Are you sure you're calling

from Sharp's Magazine?

Yes I am.

Well then tell me Stanley,

why are they giving you this assignment,

If you do not know who one of the

most famous artists in America is?

I don't know.

He's a man.

Great, OK, is he an old man?

He's an older man, yes.

Cause I've got two old men here,

is he the fat one?

You do realize that Clayton Harding

is a personal friend of mine?

What's that got to do with anything?

Right...

Parsons Gallery?

Is he the one with the wonky eye then?

It's fashion sensitive.

If you're not wearing Prada,

it'll take your arm clean off.

But I am wearing Prada.

This place isn't what I expected.

What did you expect?

I don't know, like the Argunkle circle.

Dorothy Parker...

Martinis...

Quips... nobody here is drunk.

It's called being professional,

You should try it sometime.

Here's something you gotta understand,

okay, I'm not really one of you.

By you, do you mean human?

No, I mean one of the "Glossy Posse",

A bunch of Zombies walking about...

pets to the stars.

Acting like they're

working for the UN.

I'm here to shake things up.

Where are you from?

Not that it's any of your business, but

Port Huron, Michigan.

Ah... small-town girl.

"I bet you couldn't wait to get out,

get anywhere, get all the way to the NYC"

"Silence of the Lambs".

Let me give you a bit of advice, OK.

Don't take the celebrity

fluff too seriously.

You arrogant...

Are you insane?

That was Lawrence Maddox's wife,

Elizabeth, her father owns Sharp's.

That was her?

The Mussolini baby.

I can go back...

No, you do not approach Elizabeth Maddox.

You do not talk to her, don't even

make eye contact with her.

Do you understand?

What, am I supposed to be afraid?

Yes.

I don't know the meaning of

the word "fear"

I'm sure there are many words

you don't know the meaning of.

What's that mean?

When I think of all the people

who'd kill to be where you are,

And you lumbering here, spitting food,

haven't the brains god gave a mollusc...

Why did Clayton hire you?

Snipe Magazine.

What?

When Clayton left college he

started this magazine called Snipe.

It was fantastic, just took on all the

self-important celebrities in town,

It was completely fearless.

It was like my magazine,

But 20 years earlier.

I am the young Clayton Harding,

that's why he hired me.

He looks at me and

he sees his glory days.

His "glory days"?

Sharp's is one of over 40

national magazines in the world.

That increased its advertising pages

by 60% since he took over.

He makes millions of dollars a year,

he lives in a Bank Street town house,

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