How I Won the War Page #4

Did you think you can do that?

Can you read a map?

239451 or thereabouts, near an oasis.

Get some grass if you can.

Doesn't matter if you can't.

I want it first class,

and I want it in September.

That means you have three days from

the time you land behind enemy lines.

It's got to be a good pitch because

a very important bod is going to see it.

- How much is she?

- Does she take bully beef?

He's going to come up out

of the torment of the noblest of games

and hear the sharp click

of leather on willow.

Ah, with his weary soldier boys.

That'll show them, bring their tails up.

Show this very important bod just how

high the British soldier can get his tail.

Yes, I want it first class and in three days.

That doesn't give you much time.

I want you to go all out.

Will you go all out for me?

Just remember my standing orders.

Usual thing.

Let no man surrender

if he is wounded and can fight.

- Need I say more?

- No, sir.

And thank you, sir, for your faith.

I'll do what I can to tire her out, sir,

so these young soldiers don't get hurt.

Hey, hey, hey. It's a dangerous job

and it's an important job.

The next three days

are not going to be a picnic.

I want you to come to me not only as

a troop leader - and it is a good troop -

but also as a friend.

Should you have any doubts, problems,

do not hesitate to come to me.

I want you to feel you can come to me

for help as you would your own father.

Hello, Dad, Mum's been looking

all over the shop for you.

Back! Mines!

Reverse engines!

(yells)

Hard astern.

To me, sir! Troop!

Good job I saw that. Good job, eh?

Very heavily mined, you'll find, I'm sure.

We're best out of here.

To me.

Rally to me, Third Troop.

If it is humanly possible.

I shouldn't be left on my own.

I can't win a war on my own.

I'm rather too young.

I feel I'm folding up like a telescope.

I hold the DSO. I do hold the DSO, after all.

- Commando?

- No.

On your feet.

(speaks German)

Come inside.

You are Number 1331490?

Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody

of His Majesty's Brigade of Musketeers.

Huh? Educated

at Wellington and Marlborough.

Before the war, a solicitor in the firm

of Nicholas, Collins & Osgood.

- Am I right?

- No. Sir.

The name is right,

but all the rest is wrong.

Oh, well, just a guess.

We are not all supermen.

(whistles)

Home is favourite. You wouldn't want us

making a nuisance of ourselves out there.

- Use your initiative.

- I ain't got none.

- Come on. Off, Pongo.

- Matelot! Whose bloody side are you on?

It's a great gamble for a great stake

and I pray to God that it comes off.

- I like a game of cricket myself.

- Don't you know there's a war on, jack?

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