High School Page #4

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Girl:

Good job. Good, good.

Hey, Sharky. What's crackir?

- What's crack-a-lackir?

- What up, tough guy?

- Hey, Sharky...

- Oh!

I got it.

F***!

Oh, I just got my eyebrow

pierced yesterday!

- About freakir time.

- Hey, guys. Sorry.

- You're such a f***ing a**hole.

- What?

Sharky Ovante

just gave you an opening!

Microscopic, but still.

You blew it.

Yeah.

We grew up next door

to each other.

We used to play together

till she grew breasts.

And that was that.

I ran the numbers.

Assuming we both ace our finals,

it seems to me

you have valedictorian

by 3/100ths of a percentage.

Salutatorian is a pretty big deal,

too, Sebastian, so...

- Still second place, though.

- Well, I suppose

the hinge upon which fate swings

is a capricious one.

- Why are your eyes all red?

- Excuse me, everyone.

Can I please have your attention?

Very impressive, spirit team.

Can you please put her down?

Uh, hey, listen.

We're doing a live

television interview outside,

so if you could all just, you know,

stop throwing each other up in the air

and keep the volume level down,

that'd be great.

- Okay? Thank you.

- Sorry.

And now we'll go live

to Julia Louise Hugo

- at Morgan High School. Julia?

- In five, four, three, two...

I understand that you have

a statement regarding

your student, Charlyne Phuc,

who was recently arrested...

Miss Phuc is no longer

a student of this institution,

and I have requested

that her standing

as three-time

State Spelling Bee Champion

be officially revoked.

Morgan is one of the finest

high schools in this state.

We demand excellence,

not inebriation.

And to reassure our students,

parents, faculty,

and board of regents

of this high standard,

we are conducting

a controlled-substance screening

on campus tomorrow.

All students are required

to participate,

and any student who does not

pass the screening

will be immediately expelled.

Cheese and crackers.

No, no, no, no.

I was trying for genial

and it came off wimpy.

I'd like to be stronger.

Could we try this again?

We're live.

What?

No, no, no, it's great.

Keep shooting. Looks great.

We gotta be clear

by tomorrow morning.

- What drug?

- Shrooms.

- Yeah, we split an eighth.

- How long ago did you take them?

- Hmm. About an hour ago?

- What strain?

Hold on. Hey.

You know what strain we ate?

Dinosaur bones.

- Are your parents home?

- I think.

- Have you been drinking?

- Look at your face.

Did you smoke marijuana

with these mushrooms?

It's all stroked out.

- Sorry.

- What?

So it might be that sh*t

we ate on prom night.

- I'm looking for Breaux.

- Gordors been pulling

- this Nazi sh*t forever.

- Did you call the police?

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