Hello Ladies: The Movie Page #4

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I brought you this gift.

- I don't want that.

- A thousand apologies.

Alan, these are some of my

friends. This is Madison.

- Madison, pleasure to meet you.

- Hi.

- Jasmine.

- Jasmine, delighted.

Hi.

And Joan.

- How's it going?

- Meet you guys at the bar.

I thought we said we were

going to make it all 10s.

That last one was, what, six?

Yeah, sorry.

Go on, boys. Have some fun.

Don't flush your condoms.

It fucks up the plumbing.

I guess I feel adrift.

I've spent 10 years telling

everyone I'm an actress

and now that I'm not,

I don't know what I am.

Or what my purpose in life is.

What led you away from

the church to begin with?

Oh, well, I remember when I was a kid,

I asked the pastor how

Jesus rose from the dead...

like, physically, how could he do that?

And he sort of just dodged the question.

And that frustrated me.

Well, sometimes we ask

questions when we're young

only to find the answers when we're older.

Yeah.

So how did he rise from the dead?

He just did.

Okay.

Is there any other questions I can answer?

No, I'm good.

You got me in the

belly of your beast

Hope you spare me...

- Do you shave your testes?

- Every day.

And what is that, is that a wet shave?

- Hi, Glenn.

- Hey, baby.

Stop the presses.

- Blimey, who's that?

- Tatiana Ludnova.

- Come on, I'll introduce you.

- Hang on.

That's the big leagues.

Got any words of advice you could give?

All right, first off, Google her.

- Right. Why...

- Got to get intel.

Check her Instagram.

Her with her dogs.

Skiing at New Year.

- You're all set.

- Am I?

When you start talking to her,

there's three things you need to do...

one, establish a connection,

two, break the touch barrier, and

three, sexualize the conversation.

And four, don't be a p*ssy.

Connection, touch,

sexualize, p*ssy. I've got it.

- Hey, Tatiana, you like dogs, right?

- Yes.

- My buddy Stuart loves dogs.

- Woof.

You two should talk.

Connection established,

break the touch barrier.

- Nice to meet you.

- You, too.

Yes, dogs.

When you went skiing at New Year,

what do you do, do you

put them in kennels or...

How do you know I went skiing on New Year?

I think I just guessed.

- Or maybe you're psychic.

- No, there's no such thing.

- Well, I'm psychic.

- Are you really?

There must be some truth

to it. There has to be.

- Absolutely.

- Right.

- One time my father was flying to Omsk...

- Oh, yeah?

...I had a dream that

his plane would crash.

So my father didn't fly.

The next week, the same flight crashed.

F*** off. That's terrifying.

Oh, my God. Jeez, you

must be... are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

I mean, it's basically

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