Handsome Harry Page #5

THAT WAS LIKE THE ACROPOLIS.

THAT WAS 1,000 YEARS AGO.

- KELLY DIDN'T WANT TO DIE

WITH IT ON HIS CONSCIENCE.

IT'S A LITTLE LATE.

HE WAS A LITTLE LATE, WASN'T HE?

- KAGAN'S IN MIAMI.

- ISN'T THA WHERE ALL THE QUEERS LIVE?

- YOU REMEMBER

WHO CRUSHED KAGAN'S HAND?

IT WASN'T ME.

- YOU SURE?

WE WERE ALL PRETTY SH*T-FACED.

I WAS...

I WAS ON TOP OF HIM.

AND...

AND HE WAS SCREAMING

BLOODY MURDER.

THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER.

- KELLY DIDN'T KNOW FOR SURE.

- I TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU.

I DON'T TALK

ABOUT MY F***ING PLUMBING,

AND YOU DON'T TALK

ABOUT F***ING KAGAN.

HOW'S THAT?

ALL RIGHT?

HUH?

COME ON, PUT IT HERE.

PUT IT HERE.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT, MY MAN.

- YOU CHICKEN SH*T.

YOU F*** HEAD.

- HEY, DINNER'S READY.

- ALL RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF JUDY, HUH?

- YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN.

- YEAH, SHE'S LEAVING ME.

F***.

I GOT SOME NEW:

REAL FINE WINE INSIDE.

YOU COME WITH ME.

clink!

- MM.

- MM.

- OH, THAT'S NICE, PETE.

- DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN,

HARRY?

- I DO.

I HAVE A SON.

HE LIVES IN CHICAGO,

WORKS IN A BANK.

HE'S MARRIED.

NO KIDS.

AND HE'S ANGRY WITH ME

RIGHT NOW, I EXPECT.

OH, I'M SURE

HE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, DID YOU KNOW

THAT PETER HAS A SON?

- YEAH, UH...

HARRY:

WAS GONNA BE A PRIEST, YOU KNOW.

- OH, MAN.

- A CATHOLIC PRIEST?

HOW INTERESTING.

- YEAH, WE'D PULL INTO PORT,

AND WE'D GO OUT WHORING

ALL NIGHT.

AND THE NEXT MORNING,

HARRY WOULD BE RIGHT THERE

GOING TO MASS.

EVERY DAY.

UNBELIEVABLE.

- WHAT MADE YOU

CHANGE YOUR MIND?

- JUST LOST THE NEED TO.

- JUST LIKE THAT?

- NAH, IT WAS A LOT OF THINGS.

- WELL, WHAT THING?

OH, HARRY.

OH, COME ON.

- OKAY.

OKAY.

WE HAD THIS CATHOLIC CHAPLAIN

ABOARD SHIP.

AND I MADE AN APPOINTMEN TO SEE HIM,

TALK TO HIM ABOUT THESE

STRONG FEELINGS I'D BEEN HAVING.

I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR

TO HIS STATEROOM,

HE JUST SAYS COME IN.

SO I DID, AND THERE HE WAS,

SITTING IN FRONT OF HIS MIRROR

WITH HIS BACK TO ME,

BRUSHING HIS HAIR.

NEVER TURNED AROUND.

JUST SAID, "YEAH?"

AND I WAS A LITTLE PUT OFF

BECAUSE HE CARED

MORE ABOUT HIS HAIR

THAN HE DID ABOUT ME.

- I SAID, "FATHER,

I'M THINKING ABOU BECOMING A PRIEST."

AND HE TURNS AROUND TO ME,

NO SMILE, NO WARMTH.

I COULD SEE I IRRITATED HIM.

HE LOOKS AT THE INSIGNIA

ON MY ARM.

"ELECTRICIAN'S MATE?"

HE SAYS TO ME,

LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF

F***ING TERMITE--EXCUSE ME.

I SAID, "JESUS WAS A CARPENTER."

AND HE GOES,

"I GOT A MEETING

WITH THE CAPTAIN."

AND HE TAKES OFF.

PTEW!

- THAT'S A TERRIBLE STORY.

- EH.

- GOD,

IT'S A F***ING AWFUL STORY.

- I GUESS THAT WAS

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

OF ME AND THE PRIESTHOOD.

HE REALLY PISSED ME OFF.

AND I...GUESS I LOST SOMETHING.

BUT OF COURSE, YOUR HUSBAND

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