Guest House Paradiso Page #4

Righto.

Dr Twat, is that you?

Er, yes.

Have you completed|the root canal work?

- (Bell dings)|- Er, yes.

That's looking macfine.

I'll pop back in a week and give ye a|wee check-up. Come on, let's scarper!

(Dings bell)

(Dings bell)

Good morning,|good morning, good morning!

We were beginning to think|nobody was here.

lt looked like the Marie Celeste.

(Forced laughter)

How amusing! Ha ha! Oh, ha ha ha!

(Continues to laugh)

Now, what can I do for you?

Well, we were wondering...

(Laughs again)

(Straining to laugh)

I'm sorry, I was just remembering.|I must write that one down.

"Marie...Celeste."

Ha ha ha! lmplying that we run|the kind of hotel where...

nobody wants to stay.

Right, well, we were wondering|if you had any rooms.

Yes, we'd like two rooms, adjoining.

With a sea view, please.

Gosh, you're quite forthright,|aren't you, in your demands?

My word, Eddie.|lmportant people here.

Well, first things first.|Got any valuables...

that you'd like put in the safe?

- Not really, no.|- What about that ring?

Well, I never take it off.

The watch, then? ls that expensive?

No, it's a cheap copy.

That'll do.|The pawnbroker's very short-sighted.

Eddie!

..means you don't need|a watch in paradise.

Time...stops here.

(Richie chuckles) So watch, please.

- I'd rather keep it...|- Watch! Please.

- I won't be able...|- Watch!

Come along!

Mmm. There, better safe than sorry.

Eddie, take their bags.

But...they'lI see, won't they?

No, Eddie, take their bags|to their rooms.

And you'll keep 'em talking? Gotcha!

Whoo! Look over there!

And off we go!

Off to your rooms.

Uh-uh uh-uh uh.

- I beg your pardon?|- I'll say.

Have you stayed in a hotel before?|This is the corridor.

And this is the light switch.

I've depressed the light switch,|which is on a timer,

which has been|scientifically designed

to allow you plenty of time|to insert your key in the...

Arse.

(Boy) lnsert it in your arse?

(Richie) Never mind, I'm a|resourceful chap, so I find the...

Bastard! F***ing! Where is it?!

Ah, there we are.

And in we go...

Eddie! What on earth are you doing?

Uh...I...was...|just going to unpack for them.

Don't worry,|I'd like to do that myself.

Where's the sea view?

That'll be out the window.

Well, I can't see it.

Yes, you have to lean out.|Come along.

Lean out...lean out...|LEAN out of the window!

Hold on to the scaffolding

and you can just see|the sewage pipe in Dead Man's Cove.

I've had it checked by lawyers|so don't try anything funny.

And, as a backup...

I've got a picture of some sea,|so I've got you both ways.

Could I just ask,|is breakfast thrown in?

lt depends who's serving.|I sometimes bring it on a tray.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes