Guest House Paradiso
(Grunts and groans)
Eddie! Another bloody day.|Time to get up.
(Eddie's voice) 'Righty-dokey, skip.'
Come along. It's the early bird|that catches worms.
(Eddie) 'Running all the way.'
(Woman) Well, really.
Good morning, room four.|This is your personal alarm call.
Yes, I know. I'm just giving|you time to wake up
before your proper alarm call in...|two and a haIf hours.
That's right. Exactly|when you booked it. Good morning!
Oh! Mr Johnson and MS Harding.
The common-law couple.|I trust you slept well?
Rather a rough night, actually.
Oh...well, the perils of adultery.
And you're not too tired to make|your way downstairs for breakfast(!)
I trust you both washed?
Actually, the water was cold.
That's no reason not to wash.|We are British, you know?
We invented cold showers|to stop people masturbating.
Oh! Oh! Perhaps that's why you're|so upset about the lack of hot water!
Ah, there you are, Eddie.
Here are some bills. You handle them.|I don't want to get my dabs on them.
Have you cleaned your teeth|this morning?
- Could I have a word?|- Take your hand off me.
I haven't got my hand on you.
I've got security cameras,|so it's on film.
- I've got the evidence.|- I brushed your arm.
- You're a liar, Mr Jones.|- Look, Mr Twat...
It's pronounced "Thwaite".
Well, it's spelled Twat.|T-W-A-T. TWAT!
Keep your voice down, please.|We have normal guests as well.
Now, if you'll allow me|to finish what I was doing
before you so rudely interrupted...
There. Now, what is all|this silly fuss about?
I'm trying to get some breakfast|and there's no waiter.
Shirt and tie,|wandering around with food.
Hard to spot, I know. Have you been|to a restaurant before?
Yes, but he's not there.
See what I mean?
Chef, you seen Pascal?
(Board creaks and gas hisses)
Chef, I said fix this.
- It's a fire hazard.|- You f***ing bastard!
Very good, Chef, carry on.|ls breakfast well under way?
Look, may we order straightaway?!
Yes, yes, yes!|The waiter will be here directly.
Ahh, morning, Mrs Foxfur.
Eddie! What are you doing?
I'm just...filing the bills.
Oh. Have you seen Pascal?
You'lI have to help|serving breakfast.
I'll phone the psychiatric hospital|to see if he's there again.
Righty-dokey, skip. I'm your man.
(TV) '..still searching|for Gina Carbonara,
'the ltalian filmstar who disappeared|before her wedding yesterday,
'much to the dismay|of her intended husband,
'the ltalian playboy and ex-racing|driver Gino Guiseppe...'
'You English f***ers!'
'..who is currently fighting|extradition back to ltaly
'to face drug smuggling charges.
'Ms Carbonara shot to fame|portraying a prostitute
'with a heart of gold in the film|"The Last Butterfly Of Summer".
'The film,|with its controversial sex scenes,
'took $160 million worldwide and|won her an Oscar for Best Actress.'
'Her car was discovered|near Beachy Head...'
(Chef) Why you no pay me?!
It's three months since you bring me|here and still you don't pay me!
And why you sack Pascal?!
Get back in there or I'll tell|lmmigration about your visa!
Yes - visa!
And I didn't sack Pascal. I was about|to phone the hospital about him.
Remember your condition, darling.|Use your breathing technique,Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Guest House Paradiso" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 23 Mar. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/guest_house_paradiso_9394>.
Discuss this script with the community:
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
You need to be logged in to favorite.