Grumpy Old Men Page #4

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Don't tell me. It isn't me.

Oh, it never is.

John started every fight since 1940.

'Thirty-Eight.

It's ridiculous.

Come here and apologize.

-Come here!

-I'm not apologizing to anybody!

You're letting the cold air in.

Take that, you criminal.

I don't believe it.

That old trick?

This is between me and your father.

There's no need for you to get involved.

I don't say anything on one condition.

Put one of these in your yard.

I'd be proud to.

Hey, not one word

to your old man, remember?

Have fun, Johnny.

Hey, d*ckhead, you win the Lottery?

Enjoy your shower, smart ass?

Got to use hot water, you schmuck.

You'll never get me.

See you later.

Up yours, Gustafson!

What the hell is that smell?

Watch it, bonehead.

Mrs. Cusack said she came in here

yesterday to buy some...

...candles and incense.

She's probably a member

of one of them religious cults.

You say she's all alone?

What I heard. She's available...

...and hot to trot.

Moron.

Putz.

We were talking about

your new neighbor.

What?

My new neighbor? Oh, yes, new neighbor.

She came over to see me last night.

What?

About 1 :
30 in the morning.

Why would a woman come over

at 1 :
30 to see you?

Why do you think?

I'll have a six-pack.

Women...

...and fish, you can't catch

either one of them, Gustafson.

I've laid more pipe in this town

than Wabasha Plumbing.

You're going to go after her?

Oh, jeez. God no. She's too...

she's too disturbed for me.

-For you, maybe.

-I won't have anything to do with her.

Women fall too hard for me.

They get obsessed with me.

It's like one of them

"Fatal Attraction" things...

...that they show on

the Donahue Show, you know.

You guys are the biggest

bullshitters in this...

...entire frozen nation!

You're just plain chicken.

Both of you.

A beautiful woman just sitting there...

...20 feet from your front yards,

and you're trying...

...to tell me you'd rather park...

...your wrinkly butts...

...on a frozen piece of ice, kissing up

to buckets of fish bait! Ha!

Gee, listen to Casanova.

Yeah, he's a regular Don Juan.

No wonder women "don juan"

anything to do with you.

-That's it.

-That did it. 'Bye.

I'm out. I am out.

Hey, Max, say hello to Jake for me.

Why don't you come over

and have some turkey with us?

There's always plenty of bird

with just Jacob and me.

You can spend next week

in bed with ptomaine.

Come over to my place,

Melanie cooks up a feast.

Thanks.

But you know those old boys at the

V.F.W. expect me every Thanksgiving.

Forget it. 'Bye, Chuck.

Moron.

Putz.

Tell me something.

Do I stink?

Not you, smart ass.

Didn't ask you!

I could smell it in the car.

This stink!

Is it me?

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