Goon Page #5

Oh, Doctor! What a dbut!

F***ing rights!

You know that cats only meow

when people are around?

- It's true.

- I read that in "Cat Fancy".

What are these doing here?

That ought to be gone.

Here's a little dose.

A little dose.

Here we are.

- It's time to welcome...

- Hi, guys.

- Doug.

- ..Doug officially

Through an initiation.

So what do I have to do?

Oh, sh*t.

Sleep peaceful, old wanderer.

We should sign his dick.

Everyone sign his dick.

- What's happening here?

- What's the matter?

You have little puss-puss?

- Mommy whipped up p*ssy papaye?

- Let's see what's going on there.

- Show us your dick.

- I don't want you to see my dick.

- Why are you being gay?

- I think you're being pretty gay.

- It's not gay.

- Not if you're brothers.

If you're brothers it's gay

with a dash or something else.

My brother's gay

and he doesn't even do that.

- I never signed no-one's dick.

- I'll sign your dick, Doug.

No, come on. You'll f*** the carpet.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I can take my shoes off.

No, no, it's fine. Who gives a f***?

Thanks.

Excuse me.

Hey!

- Come on, sit.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Thanks.

That's cool.

- Pot?

- No.

Thank you so much for asking me.

Beer and soup, that's my thing.

You're a crazy motherf***er.

Tabarnak! Bam!

You f***ing beat him.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Why did you do that?

- What do you mean?

Why do you help and protect these

guys? You don't even know them.

Coach puts me out there to fight.

That's my job.

I like standing up for my team,

you know? Taking care...

"Team"?

You just wait. Wait one month

then tell me if you feel the same.

I don't think so. The f***ing team?!

- What are those?

- Ever jerked off on Ecstasy?

- I'm sorry?

- Bonne nuit.

Bonne nuit.

Come on boys, let's go.

Now, breathe in the fresh air.

Come on. You're men! Men!

So the penalty winding down

in front of a good crowd here

at this game between the Lovell

Kings and Halifax Highlanders.

- Come on, Dougie.

- Steve-O, go after Doug.

I got it. Coach, I've got it.

Two on one. Doug, come on.

No, no, Steve-O, get back.

He's got his hand up.

There's too many men on the ice.

Here come the Kings. He's way down

the front. They score!

Jesus

and the donkey motherfucking...

Get off the ice, Glatt. Why are you

on the f***ing ice, man?

I've heard this song before,

in fact from my wedding night.

Our bashful bride Glatt

can't wear white anymore.

You know why there was too many

men on the ice? Cos you stayed on.

- Stay there till I tell you to move.

- Idiot.

Unbelievable, Glatt. Nice work,

rookie. Come on! Let's go!

F***!

That is the closest we have come

to winning a f***ing hockey game

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