Gigli Page #9

is my personal favorite:

"Kai Toi Mai".

Loosely translated,

that's "the rip that takes the past."

Now, once the thumb liquefies the eye...

it is deftly and immediately replaced

by the forefinger.

Deep thrust, hooking around

and securing the ocular nerve...

and then removing it with such force...

as to bring with it, by suction,

a vital portion of the visual cortex.

The part of the brain, as I'm sure

you may know, that stores visual memory.

The extraordinary element of this move...

the genius of it...

the absolute poetry of it...

is that, aside from the obvious wound...

one's opponent is left with no memory

of anything he has ever seen.

Family, friends, nothing.

Hence, "Kai Toi Mai":

"The rip that takes the past."

As you can imagine, very difficult

to practice in the United States...

but I felt well worth the trips

to the Chang Rai Province.

People skills.

See, knowing

how to properly judge character...

knowing how and when to make a move...

in short,

knowing who to and who not to f*** with.

These are things you boys are gonna

wanna work on in the future. Okay?

And one more thing:

Sports are all well and good,

but very hard to earn a living at.

So I want you guys to study hard

and keep your grades up, all right?

- Okay? Everyone, yes?

- Yes.

Okay. Good.

Brian, let's go.

Nice computer.

Here's suck-my-dick. Com.

So can you really do all that kung fu sh*t...

you said back there with the eye and that?

No.

That was all bullshit?

Sun Tzu said that in a war...

the best victory

is that which requires no battle.

- Is this some more bullshit now I'm getting?

- No.

Who's Sun Tzu?

A Chinese military theoretician

who pointed out...

that in a conflict, getting angry,

which you seem to do a lot of...

is a tactically and strategically stupid move.

It clouds your ability to reason.

It gives your adversary the upper hand.

You wanna cloud

your adversary's ability to reason...

thus gaining the upper hand yourself.

Whatever.

You know,

given how unhappy you seem to be...

I can see how that wouldn't be

the easiest thing for you to do.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Just that.

I mean...

when men are boys, they're encouraged

not to cry, not to show their sadness...

so they're forced to find other ways to let

those feelings out. As I'm sure you know...

fighting and getting angry

are much more acceptable male behaviors.

So when these boys grow up, guess what

outlet they use to express their sadness.

A guy who's miserable at work

or depressed about his life...

comes home at night, what does he do?

He doesn't usually cry

in front of the wife and kids.

He usually yells at them.

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