Gigli

Synopsis: Gigli, a lowly and inept hitman, is assigned a job by the mob to kidnap an intellectually disabled brother of a California district attorney. Gigli abducts the brother from his mental hospital and holds him hostage in his apartment. Ricki, a "lesbian assassin", is sent to oversee Gigli's job and make sure he doesn't screw it up. Comedic high jinks ensue as the two go on the lam and start to fall in love.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Romance
Director(s): Martin Brest
  12 wins & 13 nominations.
 
IMDB:
2.4
Metacritic:
18
R
Year:
2003
121 min
105 Views

You see, after all is said and done...

the only thing you can be really sure of...

the only thing

you can really count on in this world...

is that you just never fucking know.

I bet the last thing

you were thinking about...

when you were tying your shoelaces

this morning...

was that there was a chance...

that by the end of the day, this day...

those same shoelaces

were going to be untied...

by somebody working

for the coroner's office.

Am I right?

I'm right, right?

Hey! Get the fuck out of here!

What, you wanna know about this?

Get out of here!

Take that shit to the dry cleaners.

Now!

Sorry. Long day. Where was I?

You know, the human body is,

like, 80% moisture, right?

How much do you weigh? 165? 170?

Now, I figure

if you could somehow extract 80% of that...

you'd have, give me a second...

thirty-four pounds...

of, like, solid...

not meat...

It'd be more like beef jerky, you know?

But with hair and bones and teeth...

shriveled-up tattoos and whatnot.

Probably be like this big.

In any event,

you're starting to follow my drift here, "papi"?

Because somebody has some money

that belongs to Louis.

Is it you, perchance?

Is it you that has some money

that belongs to Louis?

No.

- No? Sure?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna start this thing and leave.

What do you think?

Permanent press or delicate?

Wouldn't be appropriate if I asked you

if you had change for a dollar.

I got it.

Calm down. I just need four quarters.

No. I got Louis' money.

You got it.

Yeah, I do.

I got some of it, anyways.

No, this isn't what we talked about.

Now, this is... It was fucking simple.

- You been breaking the contract.

- Right.

It's simple. I give you, you give me.

You don't give me. It's a breach of contract.

You're fucking up.

What do you think I'm out here for?

I'm asking you a question.

What do you think I'm here for?

- Louis, I'm scared now.

- You're scared now? I don't give a fuck.

I told you not to let this get out of control.

What'd I tell you? I told you that, right?

Listen, here's what you're gonna do for me:

You're gonna come see me tomorrow

and you're going to bring me something.

Okay, you hear me?

- Yes, I do.

- Something to scale, all right?

Otherwise I can't talk to you no more.

All right?

I'm gonna have to send Gigli over.

He's gonna have to settle up with you.

You come to me tomorrow

or he goes to you. Very simple.

- I'll be here tomorrow.

- That's good.

- I'm not kidding.

- Get the fuck out of here.

- Okay.

- Get the fuck... Go, you fucking...

Fucking roach.

Fucking class of people.

- I'm in Siberia around here.

- I know.

Fuck this city.

I don't know how you guys cut it out here.

It's Gigli, by the way.

- What?

- My name is...

pronounced Gigli. It rhymes with really.

- Is that right? Is that so?

- Yeah.

All right.

I'll remember that for the next time, then.

Meanwhile, you got something

for me, Gigli? Rhymes with really.

It's about half.

- Half?

- Half for today.

Believe me, that's all the guy had.

It's better than nothing.

How about it's not better than nothing,

you fucking idiot?

Better is fuck the money

then you hurt him as to spread the word.

Since when are you authorized

to make policy decisions?

I'm sorry, Louis. I didn't know.

Are you all they got to offer around here?

You're supposed to be

this vicious, fucking mad dog.

I'm sorry.

Walk with me.

There is a certain individual...

who is creating very substantial difficulties

for a dear friend of mine in New York.

Now, this certain party...

is very bullheaded

and seems to be removed...

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Martin Brest

Martin Brest (born August 8, 1951) is an American film director, screenwriter, and producer. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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