Ghosts Of Girlfriend Past Page #4

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I'm a huge fan of your work.

- Thank you.

- Gonna photograph your brother's wedding?

No. No, I'm not a wedding photographer.

- Right, but it's your brother.

- Right.

He's not good at taking pictures of people

with their clothes on.

- Look who's funny.

- It's not his specialty.

- Ah.

- Turn your phone off.

Connor Mead.

No, I would not like to cut my quota.

- Connor.

- Look, just tell him to go screw himself.

- Yeah, I said, tell him to go screw himself.

- Hey.

Like when a man and a woman...

I gotta go. Gotta go.

- Hi.

- Oh, my God.

- Sit down before you...

- Oh, my God.

- What?

- What is this?

- Endive arugula salad. You did well...

- No, no, no. The salad I ordered had figs.

Yeah, because fruit is the new crouton.

This is...

This is a disaster. My friends and family

didn't come all the way over here...

...to be met with some lackluster salad.

Where are the figs?

Excuse me, where are the figs?

Because I want some figs!

Sweetie? Sweetie. Hi.

- Hi. Hi.

- Hi.

Hi.

Okay, look, you're right, okay?

You did order figs.

But, uh, everyone seems

to be loving the salad, right?

- Anybody missing figs?

- The dressing is a panoply...

...of flavors.

- It's really good salad.

- A lot to recommend, this salad.

- Okay. Sorry.

- There she is. All right, she's back.

- I'm sorry, everyone. I just...

It's my wedding and...

Well, I'm not usually a massive b*tch.

- She kind of is.

- Ha, ha. Stop it.

I just really want everything

to start out perfectly.

I mean, I only plan on getting married

four or five times, tops.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, which reminds me, Connor.

Sandy and I wanted to know

if you would make a toast tomorrow.

What?

- Yeah. We'd like that.

- I know it's not really your thing...

...but it is kind of a tradition

for the best man to give a toast.

- Could be super short.

- Super long, whatever you want.

- They kidding? Are you kidding?

- Yes.

- No.

- Yes.

No, you're the only family I got here,

so I thought you could say something.

I don't think this is the best idea

you've ever had.

- I'm with Jenny.

- You can scrounge up a cousin...

No, no, no. Come on, you're my brother.

You're funny, you're articulate,

you're smart.

- True, true and true. Um, I'm flattered, but...

- lf you're not gonna take pictures...

...it's the least you can do.

- Who the hell is this guy?

- Who's that?

- Jeff.

I'm not toasting anyone tomorrow, okay?

I can't toast this.

- Come on.

- This always happens. All Scotch, no carbs.

Is there a bread basket? You know what,

let's talk about something else.

So, um, when do you catch your flight?

Paulie, you know where I come out

on all this, buddy.

To me, marriage is an archaic

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