George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing Page #5

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around, sitting around

trying to think up ways

to kill each other!

Here's one we came up with!

It's efficient, too!

Genocide! You know?

Killing large numbers of people simply 'cause

they don't look like you, they don't talk like you

and they don't have the

same kind of hats you do!

Did you ever notice that anytime you

see two groups of people who really

hate each other, chances are good they're

wearing different kinds of hats!

Keep an eye on that!

It might be important!

But anytime there's genocide

there are always mass graves!

Every time we kill some dictator

and go marching through his country...

...we always finds mass graves!

Thousands and thousands

of dead bodies of people

the dictator killed!

And everybody over here gets horrified!

"Oh, mass graves! Mass graves! Oh!"

Oh, sh*t! What's a guy

supposed to do with a

couple of thousand

people he just killed?

Dig separate holes?

F*** that sh*t!

It's labor intensive!

Get real!

The whole idea of killing

a large number of

people at one time, in one

place, is convenience!

Efficiency! Throw 'em in

the f***ing hole!

Look at it this way!

At least the dictator had

the decency to throw a

little dirt on them!

Give the guy some credit!

Dictator's a busy man!

Got a lot in his mind!

Like trying to figure out

who's planning to kill him!

So he can pick them up, put them in prison,

and torture them!

Here's another of

our interesting

heart-warming behaviours

we came up with...

...somewhere along the way!

Torturing each other!

You wanna hear a really cool torture

that the romans invented?

They also used it as a form

of capital punishment!

It's really creative!

They would take the guy in question,

stuff him in a burlap sack,

seal the sack up real tight and

throw him in the river, but...!

...and here's the creative part!

Inside the sack, with the guy...!

...they would put a dog, a monkey

and a snake! OK?

A dog, a monkey and a snake!

That's f***ing creative!

Imagine being inside a

burlap sack in the water,

in the dark, sitting next

to a drowning monkey...!

...think he'd be moving around

a little bit?

The dog, he'll be going apeshit!

We know that!

And the snake? Well, he'd

probably be getting curious

about what all the activity

was inside the sack!

He might do anything!

Whatever he did, it would probably

involve venom ant its teeth!

You know what you'd be doing?

You'd be praying to God that the snake bit

the monkey and the dog ate the snake!

Then it would be just you and the dog!

Man and his best friend!

Drowning together! Maybe before you died

you could teach him a few tricks!

Roll over and play dead wouldn't be too

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