George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing
- 75 min
- 2,483 Views
Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you very much!
I'm a modern man! A man for the millennium!
Digital and smoke-free!
A diversified, multi-cultural
...politically, anatomically and
I've been uplinked and downloaded,
I've been inputted and outsourced...
I know the upside of downsizing,
I know the downside of upgrading...
I'm a high-tech low-life!
A cutting-edge, state of the art...
bi-coastal multi-tasker, and I can give you
a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
I'm new-wave, but I'm old-school;
and my inner child is outward-bound...
I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking,
warm-hearted cool customer...
...and I'm voice-activated
I interface with my database;
and my database is in cyberspace...
...so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive
and from time to time I'm radioactive!
Behind the eight ball,
ahead of the curve, ridin'
the wave, dodgin' the bullet,
pushin' the envelope!
I'm on point, on task,
on message and off drugs!
I've got no need for coke and speed!
I've got no urge to binge and purge!
I'm in the moment, on the edge,
over the top, but under the radar...
A high-concept, low profile,
medium-range ballistic missionary...
A street-wise smart bomb,
a top-gun bottom-feeder...
I wear power ties, I tell power lies,
I take power naps, I run victory laps...
I'm a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk
rainmaker with a pro-active outreach...
A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic;
out of rehab and in denial!
I've got a personal trainer,
a personal shopper,
a personal assistant
and a personal agenda!
You can't shut me up!
You can't dumb me down!
'Cause I'm tireless, and I'm wireless,
I'm an alpha-male on beta-blockers.
I'm a non-believer, I'm an over-achiever;
Laid-back and fashion-forward.
low rent, high-maintenance!
Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition,
fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last!
I'm a hands-on,
footloose, knee-jerk, head case;
...and I have a love child
who sends me hate-mail!
But I'm feeling, I'm caring,
I'm healing, I'm sharing...
A supporting, bonding, nurturing
My output is down, but my income is up!
I take a short position on the long bond,
its own cash flow.
I read junk mail, I eat junk food,
I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports...
I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive,
user-friendly and lactose intolerant!
I like rough sex; I like tough love,
I use the f-word in my e-mail...
...and the software on my hard drive
is hard-core - No soft porn!
I bought a microwave at a mini-mall.
I bought a mini-van at a mega-store...
I eat fast-food in the
slow lane, I'm toll-free,
and I come in all sizes!
A fully equipped, factory-authorized,
clinically proven, scientifically
formulated medical miracle!
I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked,
pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved,
pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried,
double-wrapped, vacuum-packed, and...
I have an unlimited broadband capacity!
I'm a rude dude, but
I'm the real deal.
Lean and mean. Cocked,
locked and ready to rock!
Rough, tough, and hard to bluff.
I take it slow, I go with the flow...
I ride with the tide,
I've got glide in my stride...
Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin',
jivin' and groovin, wailin' and winnin'...
I don't snooze, so I don't lose!
I keep the pedal to the metal
and the rubber on the road...
I party hearty!Rate this script:4.1 / 16 votes
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 31 Mar. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/george_carlin:_life_is_worth_losing_8858>.
Discuss this script with the community:
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
You need to be logged in to favorite.