Gambit Page #4

in a circle in the garden.

I was, oh, six, seven years old.

It was my friend

Bobby Montaigne's birthday party.

He's a speech pathologist now.

And how well I remember it.

Made a deep impression, sir.

- Is there something I can help with?

- Yes, sir, there is. Thank you.

You see, I snuck an advance peek,

as I said, at the Horse and Hunt.

I was struck most particularly

by the piece on this PJ Puznowski,

the Texan horse person.

Equestrienne,

not a mutant or a mythical creature.

One imagines a... well, the bosom

of a woman and the hindquarters of...

- Did you happen to see it, sir?

- Yes.

I was struck by one particular picture.

Haystacks, Dusk.

- Yes. Exactly, sir.

- A reproduction, of course.

Really? You think so, sir?

Based on what, if I may ask?

Based on the fact that it was hanging on

the wall of a bloody caravan in Texas.

There is that.

- Is that all?

- Yes, sir.

Thank you.

But shouldn't we check, do research?

I could put together a memo.

- One of your memos, yes.

- The painting is so rarely reproduced,

I don't even know

if I've seen a reproduction.

And it's the very incongruity of it,

hanging, as you so discerningly...

Fine. Ring this woman up

and ask if she has an original Monet

on the wall in Shitbird, Texas.

- Did he bite, our little fishy?

- He's not hooked yet.

- But he's circling the bait.

- Not sure I follow you, old thing.

He's seen the painting

and he's considering being intrigued.

- Considering?

- Considering being, yes.

- Where's the girl?

- In a hotel in Dallas.

- Why is she in a hotel in Dallas?

- The passport office is there.

It turns out that the dear girl's

never been out of the country.

Now, ordinarily, a passport takes

eight weeks, but they can expedite.

Pay a couple of hundred pounds,

they'll hurry it along.

That's very nice of them.

Couple of hundred.

Right.

Your post, Mr Deane.

It is extraordinary, isn't it?

Well, it's very amusing if you should

turn out to have been right.

I am here to amuse, sir.

So shall we bring her in?

- Who?

- The cowgirl, sir. PJ Puznowski.

Her grandfather, and all this

confirmed in the US military records,

Bulldog Puznowski.

Yes, yes, I read the memo,

but why would I bring her in?

If the painting is real

and if she wants to sell it,

I certainly don't want to seem

overly eager. No, no, no, no.

Ring her up and tell her

if ever she finds herself in London,

I'd be happy to carve out

a few minutes for a chat.

Let her invest

in the deal coming off.

- I see, sir. It's brilliant.

- Nonsense, Deane. It's elementary.

- Prat.

- Wanker.

- Unrestricted economy fare.

- That's what they call it, sir.

Of course, they use the word "economy"

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