Synopsis: Curator Harry Deane is an expert in fine art, but he's equally accomplished in taking abuse from his insolent boss. That's about to change. The plan - trick the avid art collector into buying a fake Monet painting. To assist in the heist, Deane hires a rowdy Texas cowgirl to help him fool the richest man in England. But as the plan begins to unravel, Deane finds he is falling in love with the rodeo queen, ensuing further complications.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Michael Hoffman
Production: CBS Films
Rotten Tomatoes:
89 min

This is the story of my brave,

foolish friend, Harry Deane.

Mr Deane's work

as an art curator in London

had gone, he felt,

largely unappreciated.

He told me of countless insults

suffered at the hands of his employer,

Lionel Shabandar,

media tycoon, art collector

and an absolute brute of a fellow.

Do not touch my person. You!

- Yes, my lord?

- Idiot! Give me your boot.

40 years ago,

I'd have called this Shabandar a cad.

Now the prevailing parlance

for a fellow of this type

is, I believe, shitbag.


This bloody thing is not operational.

Ah, well, that's because,

I believe, my lord...

Because you believe what,

you steaming turd?

Now he would have his revenge,

for Mr Deane had a plan.

To be grandiose, a heist.

To be accurate, a bit of a thieving.

This is where I came in.

I am, you see,

a rather capable forger of fine art.

I was pleased my little hobby

might prove of use to him.

The plan relied on securing the aid

of one PJ Puznowski.

"Find this Puznowski," Mr Deane told me,

and it would all fall nicely into place.

Excuse me.

We were given to understand

that there was an equestrian tourney

in the area.

Well, we got a law attorney,

don't know his religion,

up downtown Alpine.

He's a fairy.

Moved here from Albuquerque,

it'll be five, no,

six years ago, come May.

Not that I judge.

How terribly interesting, but is there

a tournament of some description

with various rowdy goings-on?


bronc-busting sort of thing.

It's a competition.

A test of skill involving farm animals.


Alright, Pecos!

This is the West of the Pecos Rodeo,

featuring America's number-one team,

Team Ghostrider with Tim Lepard

and his cowboy monkeys.

Go on, Suzie! Go get 'em!

And it's brought to you by Charlie

Goodnight and all those good people

down at Charlie Goodnight's

Implements 'n' Feed.

Let's put some hands together

for the monkeys!

And first out of the chute

is PJ Puznowski from down Terlingua way.


Gonna try to put a rope around Rodney

from the Lazy L Sickle Y Bar Ranch.

And, folks,

Rodney ain't gonna be heppin' any.

That's 11.7 for PJ Puznowski!

- That's her.

- Alright, Jammies!

# If you wanna go

# Let's go rodeo

# If you wanna rock

What makes you so certain

she'll be game?

Good God, she works in a poultry

processing plant for minimum wage.

- You think she'll turn this down?

- How much are you going to tell her?

Just as much as she needs to know.

That's nice.

This is Major Nigel Nelson-Wingate,

King's African Rifles, retired.

- Sunday painter.

- Madam.

Now, the simple question is,

how would you like to make

half a million pounds sterling?

I have a little plan.


- Have a good day, sir.

- Shut up.

- Sorry, sir.

- Bloody hell, man, be careful!

Shabandar Media.

I wonder if you might approve this last

photo layout for the Horse and Hunt.

Is there a problem, sir?

Slazenger, give me a loupe.

Haystacks, Dusk.

Get me Harry Deane.

Old man just called me up.

Yes, he's expecting you.

- No, no, no.

- Oh, I am sorry, sir.

What? Come in.

Have them proof it quick as possible.

We'll try and get it into next month's.

Deane, sit down.

Have a look at these.

I've sent the plane

to collect this woman.

Arrives at Heathrow in about an hour.

You'll pick her up.

Interesting. Oh, I see, the painting.

- A reproduction, though, in my opinion.

- Bloody hell. Based on what?

On the fact that it's hanging

on the wall of a caravan, sir, in Texas.

Yes, precisely.

But whose caravan, you plank?

- The cowgirl, sir.

- Puznowski, Deane.

Rate this script:(3.00 / 1 vote)

Joel Coen

Joel Coen was born on November 29, 1954 in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA as Joel Daniel Coen. He is a producer and writer, known for No Country for Old Men (2007), The Big Lebowski (1998) and Fargo (1996). He has been married to Frances McDormand since April 1, 1984. They have one child. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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