Fun Mom Dinner Page #5

- I miss telling people at parties

that I was a lawyer, you know?

Except for I never went to parties, because

I never left the office before 9:00.

And then there was, like, the rare occasion

that I did make it home by bedtime,

and Amelia was calling her nanny "Mama."

- Now that Lexie is with Theo part of the

time, I actually have time to myself.

So I started consulting

with this engineering firm.

Plus I'm training for a half-marathon,

and I get to sleep -

and I'm talking real sleep.

- That is why you look so good.

- Thank you. I appreciate that.

You know, she would never admit it,

but she was my saving grace.

Some of my friends got so weird

after I got separated.

You would not believe,

once you're single,

that these ladies do not want you

around their husbands.

I never saw it coming with my friends,

but not Melanie.

You were always

inviting me out all the time.

Sometimes, she even had to use brute

physical force to get me out of the house.

- That I believe.

- Oh, she speaks.

What should we talk about, Kate?

You know, so we're interesting to you.

I mean, we've all shared.

What's your deal?

- Melanie.

- God. That's a little harsh, don't you think?

- I don't, actually.

- Emily, I can speak for myself.

It's true. Don't wanna be here.

What can I say? I'm mom'd out.

First there were the moms

from when Lucas started school,

and then the Sam moms, more play dates,

more school meetings,

the juicing, the coffees.

I'm over it.

I don't wanna know what birthday parties

are being planned.

I don't give a f***

about the best Mommy and Me yoga

or Mommy and Me anything.

And I especially don't wanna hear

that super-cute thing their kid said, did,

wrote, or f***ing sang,

I mean, come on, you want me to go on?

- No, that's okay.

I think we got the idea.

But just for the record,

Melanie and I do not juice.

- I knew you were a b*tch. I knew it.

- Melanie, I'm sorry,

I know you don't like me

because I'm not engaged and involved in...

- No, no, no, no, no, no. My problem

with you isn't that you don't do sh*t

while the rest of us do the sh*t.

My problem with you

is that you walk around

like you're too good

to do any sh*t at all.

- You took my phone yesterday, for

fucksake! And my car wasn't even moving!

Jesus,

just admit you take stuff a little too far.

- When you admit you were texting and driving.

- I was buying milk!

A mother can never run out of milk!

- Come on.

- You know what?

This is bullshit, I'm done here.

Let's get the cheque.

- No, Melanie, come on.

No, no, no, don't go.

I love that you're a traffic-safety person.

- Thank you.

- Come on,

you don't wanna miss the tartufo.

- You're right. I'm not leaving.

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