Friends With Benefits Page #4

You don't f***ing know me, man!

Don't talk to me like you know me!

What, you think I'm all chill

'cause I snowboard and sh*t?

One more word,

I'll f*** you up like dynamite!

Dynamite?

I'm just playing, bro.

Any friend of Jamie's is cool with me.

- It's all good, man.

- All good.

I'm whispering in the ear of a dead man.

I'll see you later.

- Good to see you.

- Bye, honey.

Shaun White seems really great. Nice dude.

- How do you know him again?

- I took his virginity.

So you guys have known

each other for a while?

No, it was like eight months ago.

Wow.

So does the carpet match the drapes?

It's hardwood floors,

if you know what I mean.

My God! Terrible visual.

Totally kidding, by the way.

Just an old friend of mine.

You guys use the same leave-in conditioner.

His hair had nice body.

Can I get two gyro number sixes,

extra sauce?

- What are you looking for?

- The cops.

- Come on.

- The cops?

Yep...

Come on!

- Where are you taking me?

- You'll see.

Well, here's your open space.

Run, gazelle. Run!

- Wow. This is unbelievable.

- I know.

Okay, this was not on Seinfeld.

Come on,

what's your dad think about all this?

About what?

Well, he must have an opinion.

He used to write for the LA Times

for 23 years.

Somebody did their homework.

I have this thing at work.

It's called Google.

Come on, what's he think about the job?

Actually, I didn't ask him.

Well, then you must know what he'd say.

He'd tell me to go with my gut and that

he'd be proud of me no matter what I did.

Sounds like a really great man.

Yeah, he is.

Hey, do you want to

see something really cool?

I always want to see something really cool.

What...

Come on.

Okay.

Only place in the city

you can actually see the stars.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- It's pretty awesome.

- I know.

I like to come up here to think.

Just when it gets a little too much

for me down there, it's like...

It's like my New York version

of a mountaintop.

Best part, no cell reception.

You take all your recruits up here?

Actually, never really

taken anyone up here.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Thanks.

If you tell anyone about this,

I will rip your ears off

and staple them to your neck.

Everyone in this city seems really violent.

Come on, let's go. One last stop.

- We're just getting comfortable.

- I know you are. Come on, buddy.

It's New York. Now hustle. Come on.

- Come on, come on.

- You're showing me Times Square.

- This is not touristy at all!

- Would you shush? Come on.

Do we have to power-walk

everywhere we go?

Yes.

So everybody just kind of walks

wherever they want, then.

How 'bout right here?

- What do you mean?

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