Freddy Got Fingered Page #4

I'm home.

- Gordie, sit down. We're having roast beef.

- Why do you guys always have roast beef?

Boo-hoo! Little Lord Fauntleroy's tummy

hurts cos there's too much roast beef in it.

It's just boring.

- I'm eating a chicken sandwich.

- You're not!

This is crazy. I'm 28 years old. I should

be able to eat a chicken sandwich if I want.

He's 28 years old and he can eat

a chicken sandwich. Very impressive.

Mike Fitzgibbon's son

is a nuclear physicist...

...and my son can eat a chicken!

Jim, no!

You can either eat that goddamn roast beef,

or you can go to bed.

Good.

Sh. Gord! Gord!

Don't hammer 'em so loud. Jeez.

It's late. You're gonna wake up your parents.

- You're right. I'll use the electric nail gun.

- Yeah.

Sh. Sh. Gord. Gord!

- What?

- Oh, boys!

Will you two faggots stop making

so f***ing much noise? We're sleeping.

Sh!

Goddammit!

It's three in the morning!

- Stop the f***ing hammering!

- Jim, I got a kid over here. OK?

- Gord, are you almost done over there?

- Yeah, nearly, Mr. Malloy.

Hey, Gord.

Can I play on your ramp tomorrow?

Sure, Andy. Any time.

Has your dad got, like, bowel problems?

- Let's skate this thing.

- Don't you think it's kinda dark, Gord?

I gotta work tomorrow.

You mean to say we're finished now and you

are not gonna enjoy the fruits of your labor?

I don't have the right shoes on.

They're slippery and they got no sole.

- Just enjoy the fruits here.

- Don't say "the fruits".

OK.

Holy sh*t.

Dirty little sh*t! You think that's funny?

I gotta work in the morning.

Argh!

- Dad, what the f***? He hurt his leg.

- He shouldn't have been screaming out here.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh! Oh, Christ! Oh, God!

Get him a job!

Get him an ambulance!

You get a job. He's got a job.

What the hell are you doing?

- Hi. I'm looking for my friend Darren.

- Sh.

Wow. That's a...

Oh, that's a neat trick you do there.

Yeah! Yeah, my record's seven in a row.

Oh!

Wow. Are hospitals always this fun?

No. Sometimes... Sometimes

people here die of cancer.

- Cancer, huh?

- Yeah.

Hi, I'm Gord.

Hi. I'm Betty.

Uh...

- That creamer game's fun.

- Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's my hobby.

- Yeah. My passion is...

- Creamers?

No! No. Not just the creamers.

Physics. Flight, actually.

I'm kind of a rocket scientist,

to tell the truth. Yeah.

Well, OK, amateur. Amateur rocket scientist.

- It's still pretty crazy.

- Yeah. I know.

- What do you do?

- Me, uh...

Investments. I do investments.

Um... Consulting in the business... business.

Um, analyzing stocks.

Uh... NASDAQ, Dow Jones,

Wall Street Journal...

...uh, New York City, CNN.

- Oh, wow. Wow. You must be rich.

Yeah. You know, they have creamers

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