Four Lions Page #2

Youre a liability

and youre a loose cannon.

Bollocks, Im a liability.

I am the invisible Jihadi.

They seek him here,

they seek him there.

But hes not there,

hes blowing up your slag sister.

- Invisible?

- Yeah.

Like the time you got on the local news

for baking a Twin Towers cake

and leaving it at the synagogue on 9/11?

That is part of the plan.

Hide in plain sight, you mug.

And I am coming!

You realise, if I dont come

with you to Pakistan, bro,

Islam is finished.

Listen, bro, we need you over here

to keep a lid on things.

So what if Im not here?

Cos Ive bought a ticket at the airport

to come with you anyways.

You want to come, Fess?

Yeah, its just... my dad s

seeing creatures thats not there.

- So hell keep it ticking over here, bro.

- Barry, listen.

- If you answer this question, you can come.

- All right.

Dont f*** with me, man!

Dont f*** with Azzam al Britani!

Barry, what are you doing?

Barry, this is crazy.

- Barry, what are you doing?

- Right, if Im not going, no one is.

Spit it out.

Its gone down his neck.

Right, frog him.

- Frog him in the back.

- Omar, we agreed, no frogging.

That was before you swallowed the key.

Every time Ive had to frog you.

- Listen, we...

- Come on. Come on.

We said no frogging!

What if you get caught?

Im not going down.

Just cos you cant take

a drill in the kneecap.

Theyll crack you like babies fingers.

Theyll pump you full of Viagra,

make you f*** a dog.

Good prattle, Barry.

Youll end up on YouTube,

blowing Lassie in a ditch.

Are they gonna make me f***

a dog out there, brother Omar?

My uncles connected out there.

Only time were going to see cops

is for weapons upgrade.

All right, Omar,

Im letting you go to Pakistan.

My unit stays here.

- But my units the main unit.

- Barry, shut up, mate.

Because I tell you, your little brain cell

might go off now and again,

but if your hands even go to move

and you try setting up

the Islamic state of Tinsley again,

going to university lectures,

opening your big mouth,

buying some more silver nitrate

from Amazon,

Im gonna rip your plugs out.

Not if youre not here, you won t.

Aargh!

No, Uncle.

Its my prayer bear.

He does my prayers.

In the name of Allah...

Which way are we going?

All right. OK.

What the fucks he done

to his rabbits, bro?

Theyre not rabbits, bro.

Theyre chickens.

Theyre f***ing rabbits.

Bro, if theyre rabbits,

where are their ears?

Thats what Im saying.

What?

Whats he saying?

Im asking, would he kill you?

Pack up.

If you make me trouble...

Alaykum salaam.

- Would you kill me, then?

- No, course not.

Come on.

I d kill you, bro.

Would you?

- Yeah.

- Right, good.

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