Filth Page #6

spastics, they will tell you a load of shite.

The root of any marital problem

is always, always sexual.

If you're no' f***ing the woman

you're with, it opens this...

- Vacuum.

- ... vacuum, which sure as f***

some other c*nt is

gonna come and fill,

and fill with several inches of prime

Scottish beef, Brother Blades.

And, you see,

if she's no' doing the same for you,

you go and get it somewhere else,

just like that.

I must say, I'm looking forward

to our little trip to Hamburg.

- Me too, pal.

- Some nice museums.

Prostitutes.

Of all colours, shapes and sizes.

- SIinte.

- SIinte.

- Excuse me, Bruce. I have to spend a penny.

- Go for your life, pal. Don't fall in.

- Will it be the usual, Brother Robertson?

- Oh, yes, please, Hector.

I'll see you at my place

on the weekend then.

Okey-dokey.

F***ing pervert.

Ah, on your own tonight then,

Brother Robertson?

No, thankfully not, Brother Toal.

I just popped in to see Clifford Blades.

You've just missed him.

Well, aren't you and Brother Blades

becoming quite the bosom buddies?

- Oh, birds of a feather and all that.

- Talking of Brother Blades,

have those useless clowns from uniform found

this pervert who keeps phoning his wife?

- Regrettably not, sir, no.

- Spastics!

Aye.

Look, would you mind

overseeing it, Bruce?

I wouldn't normally ask

with something so trivial,

but we just can't afford

to be seen to be not taking care

of such a potentially important benefactor

to the lodge as Clifford Blades.

And what's good for the lodge

is good for the polis, eh?

And another little brownie point for

the promotion, Brother Robertson.

Hush-hush, Toal. Hush-hush.

Just you leave Mr and Mrs Blades

in my safe hands, OK, Brother Toal?

How can you just misplace 200?

If I find out there's

another woman involved, Clifford...

This is Bruce, the detective friend

I was telling you about, dear.

Well, well, Clifford!

You never told me you were hiding

such a beautiful specimen.

You are punching above

your weight, champ.

You're the one who's taking Clifford on

this Masons' weekend to Scarborough, right?

Sc...

Aye, I am taking him to Scarborough.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Bunty.

Please, to business.

I understand how unsettling

these prank calls must be to you,

but I would ask you to be brave.

I've dealt with this

kind of scum in the past

and I can tell you,

they're all mouth and no trousers.

However, slamming the phone down on him

is only going to encourage him, OK?

And if I know this guy like I think I

know this guy, he's gonna like that.

So I need you to indulge

him a little bit.

He'll soon come unstuck.

But your uniformed colleague

said not to encourage him.

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