Fifty Shades of Black Page #3

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"I'm not a bidness man,

I'm a bidness... man."

Thank you so much

for your help, Ms. Steale.

Let me know when those space

Pampers come in, okay?

- Save me three boxes!

- (THUDS)

Got a long drive ahead of me.

(CHUCKLES) Bye!

I'm gonna call you.

(DOOR OPENS)

(JESSE VOCALIZING)

- Jesse!

- Hey.

Thank you so much

for doing this last minute.

Hannah, listen, you are

my best friend, okay?

You know I'd do

anything for you, right?

Oh!

- Yeah. I'd really love a handjob, though.

- What?

I said I really love this job.

It's amazing.

Oh, my God. Get in here.

(GRUNTS)

Later I wanna hit it.

Uh... Um...

I didn't catch the last thing.

I said later

I wanna hit the bar.

- Oh.

- Come on, Hannah,

it's what platonic friends do.

You know?

You grab a beer, right?

Then you make out and have sex

until we question the status of our

friendship or whatever, you know?

- I guess. Come on.

- Yeah. Come here.

- Whoa!

- Whoa!

Hannah! Did you just

kiss me on my lips?

- Wait, I thought that...

- No. Listen. Okay, let's get one thing clear.

- We are just friends. Don't make it weird.

- Oh, no, I thought...

- It's okay, I'll f*** you later.

- Wait. What?

I said I'll see you later.

- Jeez, Hannah.

- Oh.

Just go.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

JESSE:
Pow! Pow!

Girl, he's staring

at you like some real

Fear-type

sh*t right now, girl.

He look like Marky Mark

after he left the Funky Bunch

and started acting, girl.

All right, give me a smile.

Cheese.

All right, don't ever

f***ing smile again, okay?

He asked me to go to coffee

with him after the shoot.

Oh, girl, that's cute!

Last time I went to coffee,

I got eaten out

outside of McDonald's.

That McCaf menu

got a girl gushin'.

- All right, let's break the Internet.

- (CORK POPS)

Eat.

I'm not your dog, you

can't tell me what to do.

You're right. If you were

my dog, I would do this.

Bad girl! Bad, bad, bad girl!

(SPITS)

So, tell me about your family.

Well...

My dad left me when

I was two years old,

(YAWNING) so I was mostly

raised by my stepdad, Ron.

That's painfully uninteresting.

How about your mother?

- She's been married eight times.

- Yeah.

She's an incurable romantic.

Are you a romantic?

I guess.

(GROANS)

I mean, I like long

walks on the beach.

I like baby talk,

I like to cuddle.

Ooh, and I love

Nicholas Sparks movies.

Even the one with Miley Cyrus?

- That's my favorite one!

- B*tch, I'm out!

- (DUB STEP MUSIC PLAYING)

- (PEOPLE CHEERING)

- JESSE:
Cheers.

- Yeah.

Ooh, that tastes like a

white boy on spring break.

I hate him.

I'm gonna call him.

You want another drink?

Yes. Drink to forget.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

- (GURGLES)

That tastes horrible.

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