
Fifty Pills
Hi. I hate myself.
Leave a message.
Darren, you dumb son of a bitch, stop
wallowing in self pity and wake up.
Christ. All right, look. I'm already
on my way to Philly for the weekend.
Lindsays being a bitch about something.
Someone told her I banged
her older sister, which I did.
for that week in September.
I don't know why shes so pissed about
it. But anyway, I gotta head down there
before she goes ballistic on
me. But, um, back to my point. I
Hi. I hate myself.
Leave a message.
Darren, you dipshit. I
know you're still sleeping.
So wake up. I found a way
for your ass to stay in school.
Okay, man look. I felt kinda bad
about the whole thing with the alcohol
violation, and your scholarship.
You're the one that threw
the party, you asshole.
I'm the one that threw the party,
and I'm the asshole. I know.
is my way of making it up to you.
Okay? Now look on my desk.
There are 50 pills of
ecstasy, and one of my pagers.
Now you have to remember
there's no voicemail on that one
so the numbers are gonna
come straight through, okay?
Look, exams are over, my man, and
you know are gonna wanna get down
What the f*ck are you talking
about, Coleman? I cant do this.
Sure you can. - I am not like you.
I'm not a fucking drug dealer.
What are you thinking, man? Are you
crazy? - Darren, you'll do fine.
But, uh, no, this
- No. No buts.
I am gonna fucking get arrested.
Look, man. Its only one day,
I have to turn in a paper
Look, man, uh, I gotta go.
You're, you're breakin up here really
bad. Listen hang in there, buddy, bye.
No, don't you fucking hang
up this... Coleman! Coleman,
I cant do this. I'm
not gonna do this. F*ck!
Holy shit.
I hate you, Coleman!
#FIFTY PILLS#
#NEW YORK CITY#
#FOUR MONTHS EARLIER#
#COLEMAN#
My first year at college.
Its about damn time. Thats what
you're supposed to say, right?
Within 10 minutes, I met
my new roommate, Coleman.
From the first time I saw him, I
knew Id never met anybody like him.
Yo, yo, Green Day. What the f*ck,
does this look like my bathroom?
What are you gonna do next, take
a shit on my bed? - Yo, man, sorry.
Yeah, don't be sorry,
just fix it. Its simple.
Hey, whats up, man, I'm Coleman.
I didnt know if I wanted
to know anybody like him.
It made me wonder why his parents sent
movers instead of coming by themselves.
Mine, mine wanted to. Just they really
couldnt take the time off of work.
Do well, son.
First time away from home?
- Yeah. I went to camp, though, once.
You ever had international phone sex?
- What?
Wait, hold that thought.
Uh, do you smoke?
Hell yeah, I'm from
North Carolina, come on.
I grew up on these things.
Thats okay. Enjoy.
You cant imagine how rad it is to
get off while talking to some chick
on another continent whos getting
off, and sometimes in a language
that you don't even speak. Kicks ass.
I was impressed. It was either at
that moment or somewhere near it
that Coleman became
my new personal hero.
Its like this. If you
act like the fuckin man
and you think you're the fuckin
man, then nothing is gonna make
that other schmuck lookin up to you
think that you're not the fuckin man.
Everything in
life involves a little creativity.
It literally took Coleman
about five minutes
No, no, no, no, no. Four
minutes, 15 seconds, please.
Four minutes, 15 seconds to realize
that we had to have a moving in party.
The best way to have a good party is
To fucking advertise. New
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Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Fifty Pills" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/fifty_pills_8150>.