Fever Pitch Page #4

- Annie Hall.

Whoa, this is like-

This is unbelievable.

Road House.

Are you feeling- Is this crazy?

I mean, what are the odds?

Spooky.

No, she cannot

have my assistant.

Because I trained Carrie.

I like her.

Listen. Do we have to settle this right now?

I'm with a... person.

Yes. Thank you.

Okay, I'll speak to you tomorrow. Bye-bye.

I'm really, really sorry.

Actually, I'm sorry. I ate everything cool.

I just left you a pile of sauce.

That's okay. Actually, I'm the worst.

I eat off everybody's plate.

In fact, my friends, they call me "the seagull. "

Oh, hi, seagull.

Nice.

No, really, I appreciate you being cool

about the phone thing...

because I once went on a date with this guy

who got so angry I was on the phone...

that he grabbed it out of my hand,

and he threw it in the fish tank.

I would never do that.

What are your pet peeves?

What stresses you out?

- Mm, I got-

- And I'm only asking...

because frankly

the men I meet are highly-

I date poodles basically.

And I'm really relaxed,

you know? Totally.

- Son of a- Stop ringing.

- I got it.

Let me do it.

Let me do it.

Hello? Uh, no, she isn't.

May I take a message?

This is Ben.

I'm her houseboy/sex slave.

Okay. You betcha.

Bye-bye.

Call your mother.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

So you don't have a cell phone...

- a BlackBerry, a pager, nothing?

- No.

Well, what if

some sudden crisis occurs...

like your father has a heart attack

or something?

- My father died two years ago.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I just found out this morning,

so it's been a rough 24 hours.

You know, maybe I should get a cell phone.

That's a good idea.

- You're funny, Ben-

- Wrightman.

- Wrightman. Yeah.

- Yeah.

- You forgot my last name.

- No, I just blanked.

I know why you forgot. That's all right.

I bet when you talk to your friends...

you call me Ben the schoolteacher,

am I right?

- Well?

- That's okay.

What do you call me

to your friends?

I call you Lindsey...

the vomit girl,

the puker, Pukey.

Everyone says, "You going out with Pukey

tonight?" I'm like, "Yeah. Why?"

"You wanna play video games or something?"

I'm like, "No, I'm going out with Pukey. "

That's horrible.

Hey, anything I've said about you would be

an understatement, really.

- Hey, Lindsey!

- Hi!

- Hi.

- Hi, I'm Ben the schoolteacher.

Ian. Sarah.

- Steve. Molly.

- Oh, thanks for having me.

- Robin and Chris.

- Welcome aboard.

Well, let's start

the interrogation.

No, no, it's not like that.

Here. It's for the urine sample.

Shoot, I wish you would have told me.

I just took a whiz in your bushes.

Do you want to-

Show him the house.

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