Express Pipe Laying Page #3

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from the Delta Psi house.

So don't be fooled, okay?

Sure thing.

Thanks for calling.

Okay, no problem, dude.

Now you go back to doing something

latently homoerotic, all right?

Hello, real cops?

Yes, I'd like to register a complaint.

We got a complaint about the noise.

Whatever you say, Officer.

Officer down! We need backup!

- Okay, we'll take care of these two.

- You got it.

Hey, frat sisters, remember us?

I'll take this one.

- I'll take the next one.

- All right, man.

That felt great, man,

getting back at those guys tonight.

I've got to admit, that was brilliant,

what you did.

You are the king of revenge.

Pipe down! I'm trying to watch

these broads work out.

- You want another beer?

- Yeah.

Mitch, you wanna come over here?

I'm not falling for that one again.

- I think I'm having a heart attack.

- Not gonna work.

Pops! You all right?

I'm gonna let him sleep.

Could you stay with him

while I find the doctor?

- Yeah, sure.

- Thanks.

I'm glad you came.

Hey, Mr. McKenna.

I'll go get Sam.

No, hold on.

There's something I want to tell you.

I'm gonna find Sam.

Mitch, sit your ass down!

It's embarrassing being physically

afraid of a hundred-year-old man...

who just had a coronary...

so could we hurry this up?

I'm not doin' too well.

So knowing that, I think

I better tell you this now.

- Tell me what?

- I'm your father.

You must be delirious,

because you're not my father.

I don't know who my father is,

but it's not you.

Here, Mitch.

Look at the picture

in this locket.

Holy Lord!

That's a picture of you and my mom

having sex!

God! Why would you show me that?

I'm sorry, son.

I figured you'd never believe me

unless I showed you that picture.

I loved your mother as a friend, but it

wasn't true love. We both knew that.

Besides, back then they didn't have

these fancy birth control methods.

Like pullin' out.

God!

Stop sayin' dirty stuff for a second,

would you?

Does Sam know about this?

No. And I don't want you to tell him.

Why not?

I don't want him to feel

he's been lied to his entire life.

Down deep he's very sensitive.

Promise me you won't tell him.

I can't promise you.

Sam's got a right to know.

I'm gonna tell him.

Hello. I'm Dr. Farthing.

Are you Mr. McKenna's son?

I gotta talk to Sam.

Mitch, don't tell him!

Don't you tell him!

Now, let me ask you.

Are you a betting man?

I don't know. Sure.

If someone were taking bets on

your father's bout with death...

I'd bet everything I own on death.

It's a good bet.

The odds are he'll probably die.

Couldn't you have prepared him

for that?

Well...

kind of thought I did

with that betting analogy.

What is wrong with my dad?

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