Every Thing You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask Page #3

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Ah, here it is.

You tickle me.

Hi, Milord.

Remember you said that if was ever in town

I should look up your wife?

I don't know what

everybody's so upset for.

I never humped her.

Just clean up my neck a little,

leave the top full.

Give me a good "ah".

In this side of my arm,

mostly at night.

I don't notice the impression in daytime,

but at night it bothers me.

I don't want to hurt you

but how far can you raise it?

Mr. Milos

would you come with me, please?

Come in, Mr. Milos.

sit down right over here.

I just want to get

some history first.

- Your name is...

- Stavros Milos.

- And your address?

- Armenia.

Armenia?

- I am from Armenia.

- I'm visiting my brother.

- I see.

- Occupation?

- Shepherd.

- A shepherd?

- My whole family.

Except for my brother over here,

who is a rug salesman.

Have you had

any major illnesses?

None. Good.

So now,

what seems to be the trouble?

I'm in love with a sheep.

I beg your pardon?

I am in love with a sheep.

Ah... I see.

See, doctor. Up there in the mountains

where I tend my flocks...

it's so beautiful

under the starred skies...

and I am alone.

And sometimes I get so lonely.

And the hours pass,

and soon I desire a woman.

But doctor, there are no women.

I'm not married and...

Well, one night,

last summer...

I could stand it no longer.

My body needed to be satisfied.

- And... I saw her

- Who?

- Daisy.

- Sheep?

I took Daisy off

to a little cove...

and there, under the Armenian sky,

we had sexual intercourse.

- With the sheep?

- Naturally.

Oh God!

It was the greatest lay

I ever had.

Mr. Milos, forgive me...

if I seemed all shocked.

I'm sorry.

Doctor, Mrs. Goldblatt is on the phone

about her rupture.

Later, later.

Mr. Milos...

Of course I'm happy

for the two of you...

but I do have

other patients.

And unless there is some...

specific way

that I could help you...

Doctor, please.

One minute.

See, the point is...

she no longer loves me.

That's why I'm here.

Because she's fallen out of love with me.

How can you tell that?

Oh, little things.

She is cold, indifferent.

Speak to her.

She'll listen to you.

Mr. Milos...

you are...

crazy.

I brought her all the day

from Armenia.

My brother says you are a great doctor.

You saved his life once.

You need a psychiatrist.

I am a medical doctor.

Speak to her, please.

I can't talk to a sheep.

Are you nuts?

She's outside,

in my brother's truck.

Would you get out of my office,

please?

I'm an MD!

I'm not a veterinarian!

I'll bring her in.

Don't bring any sheep in this office!

My mother just got finished paying for it!

Doctor, I am a simple man.

I'm no great man of wisdom.

- My brother says you are a great man.

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