
Every Thing You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask
- Year:
- 1972
- 339 Views
Excellent feast!
Soon we will retire
to the royal bedchamber.
But first...
As I have been victorious
in this weekend battle...
I wish to be amused.
Bring me my fool!
Good evening, your Majesty.
It's great to be back here at the palace.
You know what the palace is:
it's 24 living rooms and a dungeon.
But seriously,
I love the King
He's one of the strongest men
here, isn't he?
He's the only one amongst us
that can swim the moat length twice.
I know you're out there.
I can hear you breathing.
But seriouly ladies and germs,
I want to say that...
that plague is really something, isn't it?
doesn't everything look black?
Coz it's a black plague.
Save it up and let me hear it
at the end, big.
I love the new exercise
his Majesty does to keep in shape.
It's called "taxing peasants".
Seriously,
the best thing of...
I can't stand it any longer!
He's not funny!
I've cut men in a half
for making jokes as bad as those.
Bring me a fool that's funny!
the feast is over.
Not funny.
I do a couple of impressions
that you might like, you know...
I'm one of the few guys that can do
the King of France. Not his voice, his walk.
If you haven't noticed
the funny motions when he walks...
going a little bit to the side.
Got a kind of...
Don't everybody burst
into spontaneous applause, on this.
Madame, I beg your puberty.
Beg it not, for thou hast thrown
the royal rubies and emeralds on floor.
I think we'll pick it up, and we spin it
and fain well on my fain.
- Thy pin.
- Yes, extend thy fane, madame.
And I, therefore,
on the knock of your hands. Perfect.
Didst I feel right?
or just I feel that thy two hands
werest upon my royal body?
Madame, not I, surely...
would never lay my hands on the royal tomatoes
in mixed company.
Hark on me, if my husband, the King,
and my son, the doctor...
walketh near upon these private paths...
and heareth what thy sayst
about copping a feel...
thy life would not be worth
a black nickle.
But, madame, so beautiful do they lay,
they're one on either side.
Either side? This way they were made,
fool. Away from me!
I fell on my bells.
T.V...
or not T.V.?
That is the congestion.
Con-sumption be done about it?
Of cough, of cough.
Oh Jesus!
My jokes grow stale.
I would my life take
for a bare bodkin.
If only I could see
the Queen's bare bodkin...
or anybody's bare bodkin,
for that matter.
Or a bodkin
I'm so melon-choly.
Guildenstern and Rosencrantz
are dead.
their tailor shop is closed.
Felix?
Who calls my name?
No one knows I'm here,
not even my service!
I am the ghost of thy father.
My father.
You, who died in childbirth.
I can't rest...
unless thee makest it
with the Queen.
But she is a Queen,
and I a baseborn fool.
I can't screw
above my station.
You must know, my son...
that thy uncle...
my father...
put hemlock in my ear.
Why?
Don't ask me why.
He does that with everybody
whenever he sees an ear...
he likes to put hemlock in it.
Oh, father!
See the sorcerer, my son.
The sorcerer!
He's gone.
Do I dare sleep with the Queen?
Will she sleep with me?
Although she sleeps with the King
and he wears leotards.
The sorcerer.
Ah, an aphrodisiac.
Do you want a soft one...
a strong one...
Or one that will... mmmh?
I'd like anything I can get
without prescription.
This, placed softly...
in the Queen's drink...
will make her blood boil.
Her passion unbridled...
lustful.
- In other words...
- The hots for me.
Exactly.
But be cautious.
For if his Majesty
should get wind of thy intent...
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"Every Thing You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/every_thing_you_always_wanted_to_know_about_sex_*_but_were_afraid_to_ask_7797>.