Entertaining Mr Sloane Page #3

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- I've never seen you.

- On my life I remember.

- Your eyes aren't good.

- I can still identify you.

- Identify me?

- If it was necessary.

- How could it be necessary?

- It might be.

Do lay off. You couldn't identify

herring on a plate!

Don't you speak to me like that, sonny,

or you'll find yourself in trouble.

Get on, you old prat!

I'll have somebody to you!

You'll see if I don't!

Why don't you shut your mouth

and give your arse a chance?

- (Dadda grunts)

- Ow!

You bleeding maniac! Me leg! Me leg!

- You provoked me!

- I shall be in a wheelchair for life!

Oh, you cow! I'm covered in blood!

What happened? What happened?

Did he attack you?

- Mm.

- He's never shown signs before.

It wasn't intentional. I was provoked.

- (Groans)

- ls there pain?

Are you hurt bad?

He's got an artery.

I'm losing pints. Oh, Christ.

I thought he was further off.

I can't judge distances!

You lean on me, Mr Sloane.

- You'll be better off in the house.

- Sorry!

Catch those cakes

before they go down the drain!

He ought to be in Colney Hatch.

He's a slate off! Throwing things about.

Dadda? Dadda, get the Dettol out

of the fridge and put it in some water.

Make yourself useful.

- (Blows)

- (Bird coos)

(Woman) Dadda!

- Er, something to eat?

- No.

Dadda?

- I can't apologise enough, Mr Sloane.

- He's a maniac.

No, he's much better usually

with strangers. You lie there, dear.

There we are.

Gently. That's it, Mr Sloane.

Is that better? Oh, good.

(Sloane) I did nothing to antagonise him.

(Woman) Dadda? Dadda!

Oh, dear. He's got slower and slower.

He'll be here in a minute I expect.

Are you all right?

(Sloane) Oh!

There's blood running on your settee.

You'll have a stain. I can see it coming.

Wait a minute. Here we are.

I... I was going to make a blouse of this,

but there isn't enough.

I'm quite eminent above the waist,

as I expect you've noticed.

I think I'm gonna spew.

Yes, well, I'll just get a cloth

to bathe the wound.

Just a minute.

Er... Here we are.

- Ah!

- Go and sit in the kitchen.

You've caused enough damage for one day.

It was his fault!

He was nearer than I thought!

And don't go eating anything

while you're out there.

Oh, what a lovely pair of shoes.

Oh, Christ! Oh, Christ!

I wonder, Mr Sloane,

if you'd take your trousers off.

I do hope you don't think

there's anything behind the request.

I had the upbringing

that a nun would envy.

And that's the truth.

That's it.

You lift up and I'll pull them off.

Do you know,

I was more familiar with Africa

than I was with my own body,

till I was 15.

That's why I'm so pliable.

Ooh! Attacked you from behind, did he?

Never mind. There we are.

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