Entertaining Mr Sloane

Synopsis: Sloane, a handsome, sexy and completely amoral young man, joins Kath's household as a lodger and proceeds to manipulate her and her brother, Ed. He is recognized by Kemp (Dadda) as the murderer of Kemp's former employer, whereupon Sloane murders Kemp. Sloane's "just desserts" are not what one would expect.
Director(s): Douglas Hickox
Production: Continental Distributing
94 min

I held my tongue and spake nothing

I kept silence

But it was pain and grief to me

My heart was hot within me

(Bird squawks)

And while I was

thus musing the fire kindled

And at last I spoke with my tongue

Lord, let me know mine end

And the number of my days

That I may be certified

How long I have to live

Thou hast made my days

As it were a span long

And verily every man living

ls altogether vanity

For man walketh in a vain shadow

I And disquieteth in vain

He heapeth up riches

And cannot tell who shall gather them.

O spare me a little

That I may recover my strength

Before I go hence

And be no more seen

"The Lord gave,

and the Lord hath taken away.

"Blessed be the name of the Lord.

"Remember not the sins

and of fences of my youth.

"But according to Thy mercy,

think Thou upon me.

"O Lord, for Thy goodness."

"Man that is born a woman

hath but a short time to live

"and is full of misery.

"He cometh up

and is cut down like a flower.

"He fleeth as it were a shadow,

"and never continueth is one stay.

"In the midst of life we are in death.

"Of whom then may we seek for succour,

but of thee, O Lord,

"who for our sins are justly displeased?"

"Thou knowest, Lord,

the secrets of our hearts,

"yet delivereth us not

into the bitter pains of eternal death.

"We shall change our vile body,

"that it may be like

unto his glorious body.

"According to the mighty working

"whereby he is able

to subdue all things to himself.

"We commend under Thy hands of mercy

"the soul of this our brother departed,

"and we commit his body to the ground.

"Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

"dust to dust.

"And we beseech Thy infinite goodness

"to give us grace to live in Thy fear

"and to die in Thy favour.

"That when the judgment shall come...

"...both this our brother and we

may be found acceptable in Thy sight."

(Birds chirping)

(He inhales, exhales)


(inhales, exhales)

What a smooth skin you have on you.

- Eh?

- I saw you lying there and I thought...

I don't care to think what I thought.

I try to keep fit.

Er... sun invigorates it.

I like a lad with a nice smooth body.

I'm quite a regular here, you know.

Do you come here

purely for pleasure or...?

- My parents are buried here.

- Ah.

I come in the autumn

to keep the leaves clear.

- Poor boy.

- No, it's no hardship.

I bring sandwiches. Make a day of it.

They been gone long?

I was brought up in an orphanage.

Yes. You had the air of lost wealth.

It's funny you should say that.

My parents were,

I believe, extremely wealthy people.

I have an idea.

They had a suicide pact anyway.

With a nice lad like you to take care of,

you'd have thought

they'd postpone it a bit.

Criminals were they, dear?

From what I can remember

they were respected.

HP debts, a little light gardening.

The usual activities

of a cultured community.

What's your name?


Are you, erm...?

Are you residential hereabouts,

Mr Sloane?

I was. I'm looking for a place

that's more convenient.

Oh. Was your last place bad?

Bad? No idea!

Oh, as bad as that? Poor boy.

All alone in the world like me.

- Aren't you married?

- Well, I was.

My husband was a mere boy.

I had a little baby.

Killed in very sad circumstances.

Broke my heart for a time.

He's... he's round here somewhere.

You don't look old enough.

(Chuckles) Oh, Mr Sloane!

As a matter of fact, I'm just, er...

I'm 39.

(Snorts) It's almost unbelievable.

(Chuckles) Well, I haven't let myself go

like some you might have noticed.

But... we have a room

to spare as it happens, Mr Sloane.

Just your style I should hazard.

Elegant simplicity.

Would you be interested?

Hm, I might.

(Birds chirping)

- Have you been a widow long?

- Oh, yes. A long time.

To tell the truth I was never married.

- Hm...

- Are you shocked?

- (Chuckles)

- Broad-minded.

We always planned to,

but he had a duty to his family,

and, as I say,

I'd have been his widow today,

so, all in all,

it seemed best not to bother.

You're about the same age as my boy

had been if I'd been allowed to keep him.

You've got the same refinement.

- I need understanding.

- Yes, you do, don't you?

Ooh. What a lovely neck you got on you.

Just a motherly kiss.

I upset easy, you know.

There's so many ruined lives.

You must treat me gently

when I'm in one of my moods.

How much are you charging?

I mean, I gotta know.

- Oh, we'll come to some arrangement.

- Mm.

Do you like flock or foam

in your pillow, Mr Sloane?

Foam rubber.

Oh, yes, you need

a bit of luxury, don't you?

I've bought the Dadda one,

but he says it makes his ears sweat.

Lovely piece of building that.

(Sloane) Yeah. Lovely.

000-000! Stop throwing stones

at the birds, Dadda.

- We have a visitor.

- Is it Eddie?

Oh, don't you even know your own son?

Of course it's not Eddie.

He behaves like a little child sometimes.

I'm ashamed to bring a friend

or a guest to this house.

He puts them off so.

Dadda! Dadda!

Let him shake you by the hand.

Mr Sloane is going to stay with us.

He can't. We've got no room.

Oh! Make an effort, will you?

What will the gentleman think?

Do you feel embarrassed, Mr Sloane?

- No.

- There you are.

Now, pull yourself together.

Can I trust you to behave

while I make Mr Sloane a cup of tea?

Entertain Mr Sloane. Go on.

Give him the benefit of your experience.

I don't care to wonder

what you must think of us.

Your face is familiar.

Have I seen your photo in the paper

in connection with some event?

- No.

- Pop in the pub at the end of the road?

- I don't drink.

- Churchgoer, are you?

I used to be in the old days.

I'd knock up the vicar at all hours.

But then I lost touch.

I've seen you somewhere.

I rarely forget a face.

Er, forget it, son.

I am not seen about much.

- How many children do you have?

- Two.

Is your daughter married?

Well, she was. Had a terrible time.

- Kiddy died.

- You have a son, don't you?

Yes, but we're not on speaking terms.

- How long is it?

- 20 years.

- Strewth!

- You perhaps find that hard to believe?

I do, actually. Not speaking for 20 years?

I think that's coming it a bit strong.

Oh, I may have exchanged a few words.

Oh, yes, I can believe that.

(Dadda) He was a good boy.

Played some amazing games as a youth.

Won every goal at football one season.

Sport mad he was.

Then one day,

shortly after his 17th birthday,

I had cause to return home unexpected,

and found him committing

some kind of felony in his bedroom.

Is that straight?

I never could forgive him.

- Puritan, are you?

- Oh, yes. Every inch.

That kind of thing

happens all too often I believe.

For myself, I usually lock the door.

I'd remove the lock.


some such tendencies on his part.

I'd done it as a precautionary measure.


Perfect skyline you got there.

Stunning it is. Stunning.


We tried putting in for one of them flats.

No good.

If my boss was alive,

I'd have gone to him.

- He knew the right people.

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Clive Exton

Clive Exton (11 April 1930 – 16 August 2007) was a British television and film screenwriter who wrote the scripts of Agatha Christie's Poirot, P. G. Wodehouse's Jeeves and Wooster, and Rosemary & Thyme. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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