Ellen DeGeneres: The Beginning Page #6

---

in a health-food store before...

I don't know, if you've ever

been in a health-food store,

but hey, if this is healthy,

sorry, don't wanna be it.

Oh, I aspire to be you... uhm...

They are so proud of themselves, too...

Guess how old I am!

I don't know...

Guess how old I...

30?

I am 16, but the point is

I've never had diary...

OK, whatever,...

They think they know it all.

Let me see your tongue..

What?

Let me see your tongue...

You're full of toxins.

I said:
"You are full of toxins,

what a stupid thing to say to me?"

I needed a herb...

for st inside,

I mean like a spleen or something

that is inside...

Cause st needed st...

because of st that happened... and so...

they do this thing called kinesiology...

they put the herbs in your hand

and if your arm goes down, you need that...

which is so... stupid,...

it sounds stupid, but

but it's not, it works, I tell you what,

because last week I was in Gucci,...

and I had a sweater in my hand

and it went right down.

Couple of minutes earlier I had a dress

in my hand and it didn't go down at all...

Don't need it...

So anyway, so then he said...

he, she... I don't know, what it was...

It's name was Earth Spirit...

Was that a boy's name?

Earth Spirit is all like:

"You need some wheat grass juice. "

And I was like:
"Wheat grass juice,

do I need a sprout wrap, too?"

He said:
"Youre aura is brown.. "

I said:
"Youre aura is brown,

what a stupid thing to say to me?!"

We're gonna have to

call the security guard...

Oh, the health-food security guard,

what is his name? "Whispering Pine"?

Why, is meat breath offending you?

So anyway, they kicked me out,

I left... and...

So I'm driving again...

back to the loving place and

praying to where I would be lead..

and then it hit me:

You're out of rum...

If you're quite, it'll come...

So I went to the liquor store and...

no parking ever, you know,...

so I had to park across the street

in some parking-lot,

because again... you know...

wrong kind of people...

So I am going to liquor store getting

the rum and a pack of smokes...

and some rolling papers...

Peace!

So I come out and go to my car...

Parking attendant standing

right next to my car

He wasn't there, when I got out...

parking attendant standing right there

Oh, you can't park here

for that establishment.

You must go in here and purchase st

and get validated...

I said:
"Please, be compassionate, idiot. "

"No, you have to go in here... "

Anyway,... it looked like

a spiritual type place:

It was called "Pleasure Chest",

or st like that..

Some type of toy store, I would guess...

unsafe toys...

cause I'd been playing with some of them...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes